Attempt #107 - 'Chartreuse'

[info]

When? – 26/07/2012

Where? – Chartreuse. 332 Keilor Rd, Niddrie

Price? - $20

Website? - http://www.chartreusecafebar.com/

Reviewers – Fridge, Lee, Pat, Stefo[/info]

** Note ** This location has now closed

Living on Keilor road (well, in a sidestreet meters from it), I’m always saying to the wife “We don’t utilise Keilor road enough”. There’s so many shops, cafe’s and restaurants that I never even consider when the daily question of “Whats for dinner?” arises. The most I probably use K road for late night Maccas runs or pasta from the pizza place near Maccas.

We hadn’t done a local parma in a while so I figured it was time, I was going to finally utilize Keilor road. We have done a couple of parmas in the street with so/so success, so finding a good parma minutes from my front door would be a real bonus.

With the helpfulness of the tram tracker iPhone app, I was out the door and at Chartreuse in about 5 minutes flat, When we arrived (at 7) it was dead quiet, yet that quickly changed, as by the time our parmas hit the table the place was absolutely packed - hopefully that would be a good sign.

Once everyone arrived we scoped the menu and ordered our parmas and a round of beers from the very friendly and helpful staff.

First impressions were good - of the four parmas that hit the table mine was the smallest, and it was still big enough to fill the hole. It came out piping hot with plenty of napoli and cheese (no ham) the chicken was juicy and thick, the napoli was flavourful and the cheese was plentiful!

Our major criticism is with the crumbs - while not being thick the crumbs were a major detriment to the meal, they looked processed, they flaked away from the chicken and they didn’t add any flavour to the dish at all - Reviewer pat likened them to the crumbs you’d find on a chicken nugget. A slight negative for an overall great piece of bird.

Apologies, but a technical glitch means no ParmaCam this week! we are going old school with the cross section. Also, if you’d like me to bring back the cross section alongside the ParmaCam in future reviews, let me know (via Facebook or Twitter).

There were a heap of chips, cooked well and topped with chicken salt, a seldom used spice that really added to the chips flavour. We requested some tomato sauce and were brought a couple of sauce pots for dipping - A lovely touch.

The salad was standard. a very onion-heavy garden salad with carrot, lettuce, tomato and a thick balsamic dressing. Nothing bad, but not noteworthy.

For $20, I’d be back. It’s definitely the best parma We’ve had on Keilor road so far and worth checking out if you’re in the area - although I wouldn’t be traveling more than 10 minutes out of my way to give it a go.

Thats actually a cool rating technique … judge a parma by how far you’d be willing to travel to eat it. Chartreuse I would definitely give a rating of 10 minutes, good thing its close, I’ll definitely give it another shot.

Parma - 7.13

Chips - 6.38

Salad - 5.50

Value - 6.50

Total - 6.53

The search continues…

Attempt #106 - 'The Mitre Tavern'

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When? – 19/07/2012

Where? – The Mitre Tavern. 5 Bank Pl, Melbourne CBD

Price? - $18.90

Website? - http://www.mitretavern.com.au/

Reviewers – Fridge, Lee, Matt, Nikki, Pat, Stefo[/info]

The Mitre Tavern is a parma that I’ve been wanting to do for quite some time. I mean, It’s the first pub in Melbourne! That kind of nostalgia has gotta be worth massive points. We loaded up the parma bus and headed for the CBD.

After a little trouble finding a carpark, we made our way down Bank Pl to the Mitre. If you have yet to visit the Mitre it is certainly an odd sight - Nestled between highrises in the middle of Melbourne’s CBD is a tiny little two story house surrounded by hundreds of Melbournites in suits, all downing a few well earned post-work pots.

We ducked in through the doors and took our seats in the bistro downstairs (there is a much more lah-dee-dah steakhouse upstairs, but unfortunately there is no parma on the menu up there)

After settling in with a pint of Mountain Goat, we checked the menu -

When a pub puts its own name in the name of the parma it can either be a very good thing or a very bad one - On one hand it could mean that they are very extremely proud of their quality meal, yet on the other (more likely) hand, its a kiss of death. Much like when you see the word “Famous” on the menu before a parma.

One other thing we noticed was the lack of salad, It wasn’t until after we ordered that we noticed the ‘sides’ section on the back of the menu, the option to add a salad would cost us an extra $3, but seeing as we had already ordered, nobody partook.

Before too long our meals arrived in front of us.

The Schnitzel was quite wide, but unfortunately it was thin and processed, the crumbs were thick and there was more nudity on the schnitzel than on this painting on the wall -

The area under the cheese and ham was passable, although there was a major lack of napoli leaving the whole thing dry - It was the first time in 106 parmas that I’ve resorted to using the tomato sauce for more than just the chips, just to give the thing some moisture.

The above rundown has come off a bit harsh - it wasn’t terrible, But I was expecting a lot more from the first (and one of my favourite) pubs in Melbourne.

[youtube id="4zhrKTHOCeo" width="580" height="337"]

The chips were okay, passable and well cooked, however they were nothing special and just looked lonely on the plate without any salad. Two of the six parmas that came out had individual sauce pots on the plate (you know how I love my sauce pots) yet the other four had no sauce pots, and a squeeze bottle of sauce put on the table in front of us, when questioned about this the waitress said “I guess the chef just got lazy”.

I was reading a review of a fellow food blogger who goes by the name Juganauts (whom I also borrowed the above artwork photo from) and she put it perfectly …

If you have a minute, check out Juganaut’s Foodie Thoughts, its a great read, not parma exclusive, but they do come up fairly often.

Now, the salad. As mentioned before, It was nonexistent (unless you wanted to shell out an extra $3 for it). This is not the first time we’ve come across a salad free parma, and we have rules set in place for how its handled score-wise (known as the “you don’t win friends with salad” rule). A zero across the board would be too harsh, so instead they get a 5, which effectively nullifies the salad from affecting the score - however the lack of a salad is definitely reflected in the final Value score. Sound fair? good.

I love the Mitre Tavern, Its everything I love about a pub in a cosy little home squirreled away in the back alleys of the Melbourne CBD, which is why it kills me to say that I would not be back for another parma any time soon.

Such a disappointment but dry, processed chicken, thick crumbs, nude schnitzel and no salad make the Mitre a pub that I’ll only be returning to for a beer, not a meal… (and maybe some of those cheap lodgings afforded to seamen)

Yowza.

Parma - 5.17

Chips - 5

Salad - 5

Value - 4.67

Total - 5.00

The search continues…

Attempt #105 - 'The Snug Public House'

For the life of me, I can’t find a photo of the exterior of The Snug! I forgot to take one on the night, google street view was taken before the pub was open, and google image search gives me bupkis… so as a bonus here is a shot of the interior I stole off their facebook page

[info]

When? – 12/07/2012

Where? – The Snug Public House. 68 Sydney Rd. Brunswick

Price? - $16.00

Website? - http://www.facebook.com/thesnugpublichouse

Reviewers – Cale, Lee, Nikki, Pat, Stefo, Tony[/info]

**EDIT 30/04/15 - I stopped into the Snug last night and found the Parma is sadly no longer on the menu, Will archive this review for now, If you stop into the Snug and see that the parma has returned let me know!

If you read last week’s attempt, you’ll remember that we first tried to have a parma at a pub called The Snug on Sydney rd, before we wound up on Lygon Street at The Quarry, I didn’t realise just how snug The Snug was and neglected to make a reservation, which resulted in us not being able to get a table. One might think that would be the end of us trying to review The Snug, but over here at Parma Daze we are not so easily deterred.

This time we went prepared. I found a number, made the call on Thursday arvo, and (by the skin of my teeth) locked in a reservation. We arrived at the Snug, got ourselves some pints of Guinness and took a seat.

I’ve mentioned it before, but The Snug is a small pub. Small, but packed with character.

The whole place is cosy as hell and just bleeds genuine Irish, It makes the franchised-fake Irishness of the pub across the road seem that much more disingenuous. Amazingly friendly bar staff, a secret little beer garden out the back, and that little touch (which I have mentioned previously) that makes a good pub great, coat hooks.

We took our seats, perused the menu… and my heart sank. The parma that was on the menu only a week before had vanished without a trace. What were we to do? Where were we to go? (we were out on our fannieees! … ahem). It would have been rude for us to up and leave after making a booking at such a busy place, so we swallowed our pride and did something we haven’t done on a Thursday night in years - looked at other things on the menu. I had decided on the porterhouse, Reviewer Nikki was getting the stew in a loaf of bread, Cale and Stefo were getting the Fish & Chips, and you, dear reader, were very close to not getting a review this week.

Then the staff came to take our order, and I had to ask if we could get a parma.. “oh!” she said, and did a quick head count. “I think we can do that”, she hurried off to the kitchen to confirm with the chef and came back with the greatest news I have heard since Valve announced they were making Portal 2. We could have our parma!

I’m not sure why the parma was off the menu in the first place, but I assuming they were simply low on ingredients and weren’t sure they could fulfill a whole night’s worth of orders. If venturing to The Snug for a parma it might be something you want to confirm over the phone when making a reservation (and trust me, you need to make a reservation).

After a short wait our parmas arrived -

There are a lot of great things to say about The Snug parma, but it isn’t all good. I’ll start with the positives first.

The toppings were amazing, the ham was fresh and delicious, the napoli was fresh and plentiful without being overpowering and the cheese (while there were some minor nudity issues) was an interesting yet tasty blend that complimented the meal perfectly. The toppings were solid, the schnitzel however, was not.

Thin, processed and heart-shaped, the chicken was a let-down, it was by no means bad, but the whole meal was carried by its toppings, and the chicken itself became somewhat secondary. Such a shame as if this parma was built on a stronger foundation it would be solid gold.

[youtube id="FY5Udw76FdA" width="580" height="337"]

The chips were hand cut and reminiscent of what you would get at a fish & chip shop in shape. They were plentiful, well cooked and served with that golden ticket of chippery - An individual sauce pot on the plate. lovely.

The salad, served in a separate bowl, was a wonder. We haven’t seen this much attention paid to a salad in quite some time, and lord is that a breath of fresh air (I am beyond sick of typing ‘the salad was a standard garden salad’ every week).

A massive serving of lettuce, onion, cucumber, capsicum & tomato served with croutons and topped with grated cheese. Grated cheese on a salad? brilliance. Majorly filling, I struggled to finish the whole thing.

It didn’t look like a big meal when the food hit the table, however the parma at The Snug was damn filling, and clocking it at $16 it was rather easy on the wallet.

The Snug is a young pub, and it seems they are still feeling things out when it comes to their menu. All of the elements of their parma were fantastic, with the exception of the schnitzel itself.

If the owners of The Snug are reading this, you’re almost there! With just one tweak you could have one of the best parmas out there, and to be honest I would happily pay $5 or even $10 more for the meal I was delivered if it was served on a quality, un-processed chicken breast, and I’m pretty sure everyone else in attendance on the day agreed with me.

As always we are happy to re-review if the parma has changed significantly, and if you do take my advice be sure to let us know so we can come back & give it another go. Oh, and that Guinness was delicious.

Parma - 6.17

Chips - 6.58

Salad - 7.50

Value - 8.17

Total - 6.92

The search continues…

#104 - 'The Quarry Hotel'

When? – 06/07/2012

Where? – The Quarry Hotel, 101 Lygon St. Brunswick East.

Price? - $16.90

Website? - http://www.quarryhotel.com.au/

Reviewers – Fridge, Lee, Nikki, Pat, Stefo

There is a bit of a story to how we ended up at The Quarry.

Our plan was to visit a brand new little pub on Sydney Rd called The Snug. We had heard great things about the food there and figured we’d head down and give it a go. There was only a small group so I didn’t make a booking, little did I know that The Snug lives up to its name… It was extremely snug, there were only a few of tables in the whole pub, and unfortunately they were all taken.

So what were we to do? The Snug is pretty much across the road from Bridie O’Reilly’s, but we had already visited Bridie’s two years prior (almost two years to the day! spooky). The Cornish Arms was up the road, but we had already tried there as well, so we figured we would go for a wander and see what popped up. Our first stop was the Brunswick Hotel, looked pretty good, great looking beer garden and a live band was setting up, however once we got in we realised they don’t actually serve food at the Brunswick Hotel, So out the door we went.

From the entrance of The Brunswick we could see the welcoming glow of a Carlton Draught sign down Weston st. We followed it down to find The Sporting Club, which did have a menu on the wall that looked quite promising. I thought we found it, until we realised the unthinkable - The Sporting Club didn’t have a parma on the menu (tragic)… as hungry as we were by this point, we pushed on.

Standing out in the cold I thought back to the list of pubs pinned to the wall in my office, and one pub sprang to mind. The Quarry. It had only been added recently, but it was pretty much exactly where we were, just one street over. so we hustled to our cars and headed up to Lygon St. and The Quarry.

We normally order our parmas at about 7, however by the time we got to the Quarry it was 7:45 and we could collectively eat the crotch out of a flock of low flying ducks (such a “dad” phrase). We went straight to the bar and ordered. Took our seat and concentrated on calming our nerves … it was a close call, but our parmas were on the way.

To be quite honest, I had low expectations for The Quarry, I had heard bad things about their parma from a few sources - but I was hoping against hope that they had lifted their game. A game of pool was played and a pot of Mountain Goat was downed while we waited, but before too long our meals landed in front of us.

I was pleasantly surprised when the food hit the table. The parma was sizable, thick, juicy, and had the most fantastic looking home made crumbs I’ve seen in quite some time (without confirmation I’d say they were literally made by blending bread, spices and baked in the oven. fantastic). The whole dish came out on a massive square plate with paprika sprinkled in the corner as a garnish, it looked quite impressive, and Reviewer Pat, who had tried the parma at the Quarry once before said that it wasn’t at all like the parma he had eaten previously, this one looked a lot better.

There was some slight nude schnitz around the edges that I didn’t worry too much about, as the schnitzel on its own was flavoursome enough to stand on its own without toppings. The cheese was delicious, despite being a bit overcooked and there was plenty of ham for those needing a pork fix - I normally don’t like a lot of ham on my parma, yet this one had quite a few slices and it managed to not overpower the dish in the least.

The napoli was fresh, rich, slightly peppery and I suspect also home made - but there was a ton of it, I’m not sure if it was caused by the cheese melting and contracting to the center of the parma, bringing the sauce in with it, but under the cheese was a river of napoli that some considered too much (Reviewer Nikki’s parma had far too much nap, which she resorted to scraping off the parma).

Instead of chips, we got wedges - which I am all for, who doesn’t love a good wedge?

They were tasty and did their job, however they were a bit undercooked and if I weren’t dipping them in my paprika garnish as I mentioned earlier, then I would’ve been jonezing for some seasoning, or some sour cream for dippage.

The garden salad of lettuce, onion, cucumber, tomato and carrot was pretty straightforward and scantily dressed with a creamy dressing. Not terrible but nothing noteworthy.

Clocking in at $16.90 this was one of the cheaper parma’s we have had in some time, especially on a non-special night. The Quarry has a great atmosphere, friendly staff, pool tables, and a parma that is both cheap-ish and high in quality, with a only a few minor issues holding it back; However for the price I would definitely recommend checking it out if you’re in the area.

Parma - 7.70

Chips - 6.60

Salad - 5.80

Value - 7.90

Total - 7.14

The search continues…

Attempt #103 - 'The Beach'

When? – 28/06/2012

Where? – The Beach. 97 Beaconsfield Pde, Albert Park

Price? - $24

Website? - http://thebeachalbertpark.com.au/

Reviewers – Cale, Lee, Matt, Nikki, Pat, Stefo, Tony

UPDATE 12/11/18 - IT HAS COME TO OUR ATTENTION THAT, AFTER AN EXTENSIVE REMODEL AND NAME CHANGE TO “THE BLEAKHOUSE HOTEL”, THE BEACH HAS REMOVED THE PARMA FROM THEIR MENU.

The Beach!!!

I’m not 100% sure how The Beach fell on my radar, I think it was a combination of someone suggesting it, not doing a parma down St. Kilda/Albert Park way for a while and remembering The Beach as being a pretty cool pub. Whatever the reason, The Beach (or is it The Beach Hotel? The sign just says “The Beach” so thats what I’m sticking with) was on our radar, we loaded up the parma bus and headed to the beach, to go to The Beach.

Situated on Beaconsfield Pde, The Beach has a fantastic view of (you guessed it) the beach. A few beers here on a clear summer day would be glorious. We entered the pub and met the rest of the review team, who were in the front bar, already polishing off a bowl of chips. Reviewer Stefo commented “If the chips on the parma are as good as the ones we just got, then this is gonna rate well” We took that as a good sign and headed around to the restaurant-side of the bar, took a seat and perused the menu, I got a little worried when I couldn’t see a parma in the “mains” section of the menu, but was quickly relieved when I found it hiding in a separate “Pub Classics” category. Sneaky.

We ordered our seven parmas and kicked back. The Beach is a massive pub, with multiple rooms including a TAB, Pokies, sports bar, restaurant, beer garden, and other rooms for when it gets busier. It was rather quiet at 7pm on a Thursday but it isn’t hard to envision this place when its pumping.

After a schooner of The Beach’s in-house beer, “Beach Lager” our parmas hit the table…

I’ve gotta say, I wasn’t expecting anything great from The Beach. It struck me as one of those sterilized, over-managed pubs that is so popular that they don’t need to care about serving up quality, and are more interested in raking in the cash than providing a good meal. Boy was I glad to be proven wrong.

The schnitzel was a delight, although a little small on the circumference, it was a Thick juicy chicken breast with standard crumbs, cooked to perfection.

The combination of toppings was perfect, with a solid amount of tasty, perfectly cooked cheese. A very healthy dollop of fresh napoli sauce that carried a lot of flavour and a slice of ham that added a delicious smokey twang to the dish.

[youtube id="YrLhaHm_E2k" width="580" height="337"]

As soon as I saw the chips they reminded me of the Bad Boy chips from a recent review, and as predicted by Stefo, they were damn good. There weren’t a lot on the plate, but there didn’t need to be. The thick cut, perfectly cooked fat chips were a splendid accompaniment to the dish, crispy on the outside yet melted in the mouth. The staff even brought around some sauce pots for dipping. Fantastic.

The garden salad was served in a separate bowl, with Lettuce, onion, capsicum, tomato and cucumbers and a creamy dressing on top. it was great to start with, but all the dressing and goodies were on the top alone, and once they were gone all that was left was a bowl of dry lettuce (I think it was summed up best in Stefo’s quote below … He was on the ball this week!)

It was discussed at the table, so I might as well mention it - The Beach is a great “Date Pub”, The menu is swanky enough to impress the ladies, the pub itself its beautiful, the view of the palm trees along the beachfront is amazing, even the female reviewers agreed that this would be a great spot to bring a girl (plus while you are getting your date on you can down a few quality beers and dig in to a parma!)

To my surprise, The Beach fronted a top notch parma. At $24 it is up there on the price scale but I would be happy to pay it again, I’m not sure if they do a cheaper parma night, but to be honest I’d be happy to go back any day of the week.

Parma - 8.57

Chips - 9.43

Salad - 5.71

Value - 7.64

Total - 7.99

The search continues…

#102 - 'The Edinburgh Castle Hotel'

When? – 21/06/2012

Where? – The Edinburgh Castle Hotel. 681 Sydney Rd. Brunswick

Price? - $16 (Small) $22.50 (Large)

Website? - edinburghcastle.net.au

Reviewers – Adam, Kylie, Lee, Nikki, Pat, Shanan, Stefo

This review is no longer valid! 5 years later we revisited the edinburgh castle to see if they improved their parma. click here and find out how they did!

To be honest I have no idea how I got onto the Edinburgh Castle, it kind’ve just … happened. But either way we headed down Sydney road and started off our meal with a pint in the bar.

The Edinburgh castle is a warm, inviting pub, love the open fires, love the horseshoe bar, love the beer garden out the back (complete with another fire and ping-pong table) and, much like last week, love all the little nooks and crannies around the place.

There wasn’t a table big enough for our group free in the front bar, so we moved through to the dining room out the back, which was plenty spacious, with yet another fireplace and a large bar up one end of the room, which was unfortunately closed this Thursday night.

We spied the menu and found our target -

Everyone was hungry, so nobody dared to go the $16 smaller serve. We ordered, I went to the bar and grabbed a pint of Mountain Goat Steam Ale (delish), grabbed some cash at the ATM, wandered out the back and checked out the lovely (but damp) beer garden then headed back to the table where it wasn’t very long at all till our chickeny delights hit the table…

Apologies for the quality of the photo, it was rather dark in the pub and flash + food is a big no-no.

The chicken breast was top quality, not massive but big enough, thick and juicy while not being overzealous with the crumbs. A quality schnitz set the base for this dish, which was topped with a hell of a lot of cheese. I’ve had cheesy parmas before, but this could definitely take the title as cheesiest, so much so that the first bite from the edge was pretty much all cheese runoff. Normally I’ve got no issue with cheese, but in this case it was a little overcooked (as you can see in the photo) and very overpowering.

To give you an idea, It was cheesier than this car, which is made of cheese.

The napoli was almost nonexistent, To be honest I didn’t even notice it was there.

Now to the most contentious part of the evening - The prosciutto. I like prosciutto, its salty goodness warms my soul, and because of this I quite enjoyed my parma, as did some other prosciutto lovers on the table. However it is a very powerful flavour, much like olives or blue cheese, and if you aren’t a fan of prosciutto, as quite a few people on the table were, it absolutely kills the dish. Opinion was split down the table, some loved it, others hated it with a passion.

The chips were a letdown, wedged under the parma was a handful of overcooked out-of-the-bag pub chips, a disappointment.

Much like the chips, little love went into the salad. A rather wilted garden salad of lettuce, onion, cherry tomatoes, cucumber and some radish. Not bad, but not good.

Basically the parma at the Edinburgh Castle is for you if you like prosciutto, if you don’t it might be best to try something else from the menu

Personally, I loved the salty goodness and will be back for more, Plus the great range of beers on tap, coupled with the cosy fires and good live music make The Edinburgh Castle it a great place to stop in for a pint.

Parma - 5.79

Chips - 4.86

Salad - 4.57

Value - 5.14

Total - 5.23

The search continues…

Attempt #101 - 'The Union Club Hotel'

[info]

When? – 14/06/2012

Where? – The Union Club Hotel. 164 Gore St. Fitzroy

Price? - $19

Website? - http://www.unionclubhotel.com.au/

Reviewers – Lee, Nikki, Pat[/info]

With parma #100 quickly followed by the Queens Birthday public holiday and the sickie I took on Tuesday to make an extra long weekend *cough cough*, This weeks parma rolled around damn quickly!

The Parma Bus had been returned and attempt #100 was complete, but that didn’t mean we could rest on our laurels. The hunt for the perfect parma was still afoot, and with that in mind we set our sights on a pub that I had been suggested on a variety of occasions, The Union Club Hotel.

The Union club has the same ambiance as a lot of pubs in the area. A warm welcoming open fire, hallways criscrossing hallways, each leading to a different hidden drinking nook, and a very impressive outdoor drinking area (downstairs and upstairs), pool table in the corner and footy playing on the projector screen. A cosy pub that I fell in love with immediately and that I would be proud to call my local.

We took a seat by the fire and perused the menu, being a rather dark pub I struggled to get a good menu photo, so here is a grab from the website -

None of us were game to try the Mexican, the menu was a tad vague, was it only the napoli that was mexican? or the whole parma? We will find out next time I suppose.

We placed our order as the projector screen was rolled down and Thursday night footy kicked off. Pint in hand we kicked back and awaited the food’s arrival, Happy to sit for hours in front of the cosy fireplace.

But it didn’t take hours! shortly after ordering our parmas were trotted out of the kitchen…

The darkness of the pub meant I had to do a lot of post-brightening and white balancing of the photo, so I hope its okay (The ParmaCam this week is shocking, but I’ll get to that later)

The schnitzel was a thick, full chicken breast, crumbed to perfection in panko crumbs, and juicier than Scarlett Johannson (I haven’t used that joke in at least 80 reviews, I’m dusting it off for this one!)

Atop the parma was lashings of ham, not just a single slice as you will find with most parma’s, but layers of tasty ham that, surprisingly, didn’t overpower the dish.

There was plenty of cheese, extremely tasty and carrying a ton of flavour, and finally the Napoli sauce was truly fantastic - Never have I had napoli that tasted so fresh, as if it had been squeezed directly from the tomato onto my parma. An outstanding effort.

Major apologies for the quality of ParmaCam this week, I accidentally re-assigned focus to the bottom corner before filming and didn’t realise till after we finished eating. I’ll definitely be back and will re-shoot the ParmaCam next chance I get!

[youtube id="lV962Wns7sU" width="580" height="337"]

The chips were standard pub chips, unseasoned and boring - nothing bad, but compared to the awesome parma sitting next to it, A bit of a let-down

The garden salad was also so/so. Lettuce, onion, cucumber and cherry tomatoes. It was fresh and crisp, but lacked any “wow” factor!

The Union Club Hotel is a gorgeous little pub that serves up an amazing parma, which is unfortunately let down by lackluster chips and salad, If those were to improve it would definitely be a contender for the number #1 spot.

These days its not often that we find a parma (let alone a good one) that clocks in at less than $20, and at $19 on a non special night, the parma at the Union Club is great value. I’ll be heading back soon to re-shoot the ParmaCam and further investigate the mexican option, I will update this review when I do, so make sure you follow our Twitter to get an update when that happens.

In the meantime, head down to the Union Club and check out what they have on offer - you wont regret it!

Parma - 9.50

Chips - 5.50

Salad - 5.67

Value - 8.00

Total - 7.63

The search continues…

Attempt #100 - 'The Commercial Hotel'

[info]

When? – 9/06/2012

Where? – The Commercial Hotel. 65 Grant St. Alexandra

Price? - $23 (unless stated otherwise)

Website? - http://www.commhotel.com.au/

Reviewers – Shanan, Grace, Ben, Ahmad, Pat, Nikki, Lee, Tony, Stefo, Adam, Janet, Ness, Kylie, Cale[/info]

**EDIT** After closing for a few weeks the Commercial has re-opened with new owners and has re-instated the famous menu of parmas. However word on the grape-vine is that they are not the same as they used to be - Reserving judgement until we can get back up there and give them another go!

**EDIT** As of the 28/11/2013 The Commercial Hotel has closed its doors and its menu of over 40 parmas is no longer available. You will be missed guys!

Before I begin with the review, I’ll get the initial stuff out of the way.

100 parmas! Holy shit!

The night before the review I was bored and did some calculations - I went through each Parma Daze review and counted how many attendees were at each then added them all together to get the grand total number of chicken parmigiana’s that have been ordered on behalf of Parma Daze. 709. Add the fourteen that were consumed on our hundredth attempt and it brings the total to 723 parmas. Good lord.

Now if you can assume that each parma is one chicken breast, and there are two breasts on a chicken, then that means 361 and a half chickens have given their lives in search for the perfect parma.

Now, A moment of silence to commemorate the fallen…

We have had an amazing time searching for Melbourne’s best parma, and it wouldn’t be possible without a few people that I want to say a quick thanks to -

To the Parma Daze review team! I know it can be a pain in the arse to get to the pubs some weeks, but I couldn’t do it without you guys!

To you! If you are reading this review, I thank you. It’s knowing that someone other than us weirdos cares enough about parmas to read about it every week that keeps us going.

Okay. So with that out of the way, its on to the review!

If you follow the Victorian parma-scene then you probably know about the Commercial hotel. In the two-and-a-bit years we have been running the site it has been suggested to me hundreds of times as ‘The best parma in Australia’, boasting a menu of over 40 different types of parma, it has been on our ‘to do’ list since day one.

We dragged ourselves out of bed bright and early on Saturday morning and headed to Budget rent-a-car. Now, I have mentioned the “Parma Bus” many times, and the first time that I did, I posted a picture that looked like this…

In reality, the parma bus looked more like this…

But we loved it all the same.

We loaded up the 12 seater Bus with 14 occupants (two of which sat on eskis at the back, shhhh!), Pumped ‘Venga Bus’ and began the two hour-ish drive north to Alexandra.

We were pushed for time as a stop at the bottle-o meant that we didn’t get on the road quite as early as I would’ve liked, which meant we only stopped one other time - for a pee break in King Lake.

At about 12:30 we rolled into a very busy Alexandra. Our original plan for parma #100 was to get accommodation in town, stay the night and have multiple parma’s over the long weekend, however due to unfortunate timing, the Alexandra Truck and Ute Show fell on the same weekend, and had the town completely booked out months in advance.

I had never been to Alexandra before, and it is absolutely gorgeous, the perfect country town where you can’t walk 100 meters without passing a different pub.

Alexandra, A beautiful spot.

We found the Commercial, and as we were running half an hour late for our booking, hurried inside. When I spotted this beside the door on the way past I knew we were in the right place.

If you read Parma Daze often, you will know that I am a sucker for a country pub. On entering the Commercial Hotel, I was in heaven. Open fires, countless hidden nooks for drinking and dining, pool tables and those break-open bingo cards, This is a pub that bleeds character, and if the walls could talk I would love to hear some of the stories it could tell.

The staff that greeted us were warm and friendly, even rocking up with two more than we had booked for was no problem at all (we can be a pain in the arse sometimes!) they did absolutely everything they could to make us feel welcome.

But enough of my jibber-jabber. To the parmas!

We took our seats and opened the menu to find three pages of parmas, I tried to take a photo of all the pages but it didn’t turn out quite well enough to post, so I grabbed the below from the pub’s website, just to give you an idea

if this is too small to read properly, click here for the full version

As usual, when it comes to places with novelty parma options, I went with the Traditional, as did a few others in our group, everyone else mixed it up a little so we got an idea of the full spectrum of what was available.

To kill time, while we waited the group took turns kicking ass on the claw-grabbing-candy-machine. We won so much chocolate, there is still heaps left over, if anyone wants any email me and I’ll send you some.

Then, the grand moment arrived, and our 100th parma hit the table -

The Traditional

And for the sake of completeness, I got the other reviewers to send me a photo of their parma -

The Hawaiian

The Obama Parma

The Mexican

The Slightly Nutty (Veggie Parma)

The Fun Guy

The Nacho Parma

For the hundredth time, we picked up our knives and forks, and dug in.

When I first saw the parma my initial thought was that it looked a little small - my initial thought was dead wrong. although small in circumference, the Commercial’s schnitzel is thick pure chicken breast, that hasn’t been pounded flat, and thus retains a heap of moisture, leaving a very juicy breast indeed.

The crumbs are fantastic, home made and not applied too liberally. There was plenty of freshly shaved ham, a heaping of cheese and a very tasty home made napoli that made this a fantastic piece of chicken, however something was missing. looking around the table and hearing the comments from the other reviewers, I couldn’t help but regret ordering the traditional parma and not going for one of the novelty options.

Normally when a pub offers novelty options for their parmas is it to hide the fact that their standalone parma simply doesn’t cut it. This is not the case with the Commercial hotel, the traditional parma is fantastic, one of the best I have ever had, but it fell just short of the mark of perfect. If I had to give a criticism I would say that the ham and cheese, while in abundant supply, were slightly tasteless, and the traditional parma was not the flavour explosion you would expect a number #1 parma to be.

It’s hard to convey tone when criticizing a parma via text, the Commercial hotel’s parma is absolutely fantastic, and if it weren’t a four hour round trip to get one, I would be here on a weekly basis!

The word from the novelty goers on the table varied, but that is usually the case when there is such a wide variety on offer, a few of the people who tried a novelty parma also had a taste of the traditional, and we came to the consensus that, although great, the special toppings are the way to go.

[youtube id="8c8ODbFAEMw" width="580" height="337"]

The chips were a delight- plenty of them, beer battered and cooked to perfection, they were slightly unseasoned, but a tabletop salt shaker made short work of that. A fantastic offering that could’ve only been improved by some table-top tomato sauce!

The garden salad on the table was one of the best examples we have come across, overloaded with lettuce, tomato, carrot, cucumber, lettuce & onion, and topped with a thick dressing that I can best describe as balsamic mixed with barbeque sauce. It was a flavour explosion that even the most devout salad-haters in our group enjoyed.

Lots of quotes this week. I’ve put the type of parma had beside the quoter’s name, to get a better idea of what was had.

Its obvious the Commercial hotel takes great pride in their parma. It’s clearly a labour of love for them and it has paid off in spades, the TV screens in the bistro run a constant slideshow of the different options available, on the way out there is a board devoted to newspaper clippings about their food. Finding out that a portion of the profits for the parmas goes to leukemia research is just icing on the cake

As for specials, they run $15 parma Thursdays, which is a great deal, there is also a Parma Loyalty Card available that offers your 8th and 16th parma half price, and a freebie when you get to 24.

Oh, and if you eat all 40 parmas on the menu, you get a T-shirt. I want that T-shirt!.

We hung around for awhile after eating, played some pool and I picked up my new favourite stubby holder -

We said goodbye to the Commercial Hotel and headed back to Melbourne, doing a pub crawl on the way home through some of the greatest pubs I have been to in quite some time. A shoutout goes to the Shamrock Hotel (Alexandra), The Molesworth Hotel (Molesworth), The Yarck Hotel (Yarck), The Country Club Hotel (Yea) and the Royal Mail Hotel (Whittlesea) for keeping us entertained on the drive home, And yes, we will be back one day to try all your parmas as well.

Does the Commercial Hotel deserve all the hype? For sure.

Is it worth the drive to Alexandra just for a parma? Definitely.

Is the search still on for the perfect parma? Absolutely.

We’ve already downed 361 and a half chickens. Let that be a warning for all the other chooks in Australia…

We’re coming for you.

Parma - 8.01

Chips - 8.07

Salad - 8.04

Value - 8.00

Total - 8.06

The search continues…

Attempt #99 - 'Young & Jackson'

[info]

When? – 31/05/2012

Where? – Young & Jackson (Y&Js Cafe) Corner Swanston & Flinders St. Melbourne

Price? - $22.00

Website? - youngandjackson.com.au

Reviewers – Cale, Lee, Ness, Nikki, Pat, Tony[/info]

Young & Jackson is a pub that needs no introduction, I’d go as far as to say it’s Melbourne’s most well known pub - supporting this claim is the fact that I hinted on the Parma Daze Facebook page a couple of days ago that we were “going to that pub that everyone knows” … I thought it was cryptic, but commenters guessed the location in about 2 minutes flat. Surely a pub with such a high profile must have a quality parma? The signature dish for pubs all over this great country?

Situated in the corner of Flinders and Swanston St and adorned with an electronic billboard that puts Times Square to shame, Young & Jackson is a hard pub to miss, Inside you have lots of options, on the ground floor there is the main bar, the back bar and Y&J’s cafe which serves pub food and smaller meals. The next floor up has more of a cocktail lounge vibe, with couches and ‘Chloe’s Restaurant’ - a more lah-dee-dah affair that doesn’t have a parma on the menu. Finally on the floor above that there is the rooftop cider bar, an awesomely decked out spot that is a must for any Cider lover … but we’ll get there later, lets start with the parma.

Of all the rooms in Y&J’s, the cafe on the bottom floor was the only spot we could find a parma on the menu

We placed our order, grabbed a pint and took a seat. It’s worth noting that the largest table in the room was for 6 people, and they don’t take bookings in advance at the Y&J Cafe, so if you have a group of more than 6 you’ll either be splitting up or you’ll probably be missing out. They take advanced bookings at Chloe’s Restaurant upstairs, but (as mentioned earlier) there is no parma on the menu up there.

Before too long our parmas appeared -

The parma was … hmm .. well. Hard to describe. The schnitzel was thick enough, however the crumbs were quite thick and flaked off the chicken as soon as the knife pierced them. The quality of the crumbs made me suspect processed chicken, but the thickness of the chicken itself made me think otherwise. The final verdict was a processed schnitzel, but a high grade processed schnitzel.

The cheese only covered the spot where the ham sat, and some slippery ham led to slippery cheese, leaving a large part of the schnitzel nude to the world. The dominant flavour of the meal was probably the napoli, which had been loaded with pepper. There was a heap of cheese but it was all flavourless mozzarella (no sign of the parmesan mentioned on the menu) and I wouldn’t have known the ham was there if I couldn’t see it, added no flavour whatsoever.

[youtube id="707dURVOBkU" width="580" height="337"]

The chips were standard out-of-the-bag frozen pub chips, unsalted and bland. They had two saving graces - 1) there was a buttload of them, and 2) each plate came with an individual sauce pot, always points for a sauce pot.

The salad was, in a word, terrible. Garden salad of lettuce, tomato, cucumber, a couple of snow peas and bean sprouts… Lots of bean sprouts. There was no dressing to speak of other than a splash of oil and every mouthful was just an overload of bean sprouts - they dominated the whole salad and majorly overpowered it.

For one of the highest profile pubs in the state, the parma at Young & Jackson was a major disappointment. It seems they put all of their culinary efforts into Chloe’s Restaurant upstairs, and the pub meals down below have fallen by the wayside.

Post parma we headed upstairs to the cider bar - I’m a sucker for a good beer garden, and this is a fantastic spot, more ciders on tap than you can poke a stick at, great view of the city and plenty of room to move (granted it was 8 o’clock on a Thursday when we were there). To be fair, the whole pub is a pretty decent spot, I’ve had quite a few great nights there myself and their service slinging pints is hard to fault, which is why its such a disappointment that their parma was a let down … I expected more.

Parma - 4.83

Chips - 5.00

Salad - 3.25

Value - 4.00

Total - 4.39

The search continues…

#98 - 'The Great Northern Hotel'

When? – 24/05/12

Where? – 644 Rathdowne St. Carlton North

Price? - $20

Website? - http://www.gnh.net.au/

Reviewers – Emma, Lee & Stefo

UPDATE 28/02/19 - WE REVISITED THE GNH! CHECK OUT THE UPDATED REVIEW HERE

Rather than catch a cab to this weeks parma, I had the bright idea of catching public transport. Not knowing much of the Melbourne tram network beyond Route 59, I jumped on the tram from Essendon, tried a few times to swipe my MyKi before it successfully read, then hopped off at Flemington rd and walked up through Royal Park, past the Zoo and into Carlton North. This would have been an awesome idea had it been a few months ago, before it was dark by 6:15 and a few degrees warmer, However it turns out that I’m an idiot. It was pitch black in the park and friggin freezing.. how glad I was when I finally opened the door to the warm and cosy Great Northern Hotel.

I grabbed a pint and waited for the rest of the review team to arrive, This was definitely a pub I could warm to (puns are fun!) The exposed brick and wood interior just felt inviting, and the combination of a pool table, friendly staff, coat hooks on the walls and the extremely entertaining bulldog that let himself in and walked around like he owned the place just made this a pub that you’d be blessed to call your local. Not to mention the fantastic range of constantly rotating craft beers on tap, this was a good pub.

The other reviewers arrived and we took a seat in the bistro, had a giggle at the ‘please don’t feed the dog’ sign and ordered our parmas - it was clear the dog knew what was going on, as he could be seen wandering from table to table looking for a stray chip, it was obvious that a lot of people ignored the sign in favour of the adorable mutt.

We ordered our meals and took our seats, despite the tempting offer of veggies and baked potato, everyone in attendance went with the classic chips and salad option.

Not long after we ordered three amazing looking plates of food landed at the tables in front of us, however what landed was a table of steaks, not parmas - the staff simply got the wrong table and the mix up was rectified instantly, but damn those steaks looked amazing, for a brief moment I wished I was writing for “Steak Daze”, but alas that was not the case. Moments later the parmas arrived…

The parma may look small in the photo but it is definitely an optical illusion caused by the massive square plate the food was sitting on, lots of white plate is usually a bad sign, however this kept all the elements nice and seperate - no soggy chips for us!.

The chicken was real unprocessed chicken, however it was slightly dry and at times a bit difficult to cut, the crumbs were a tad soggy and it could have had a bit more heat in it when it was served, however those are my only criticisms. The toppings were a delight, with the perfect napoli to cheese to ham ratio adding tremendous flavour to the dish (especially the ham) the toppings definitely saved this one.

The chips were fantastic, not quite as good as last weeks Bad Boy’s, but damn close. A massive pile of perfectly cooked and seasoned beer battered fries, I normally have no problems cleaning my plate but this week I was full before I got to the end of my chips - and despite being full to the point of feeling sick I kept forcing those beer battered beauties down, I felt guilty letting them go to waste.

The salad was in a seperate bowl, and for a garden salad was pretty good (I’m just realising how much this parma has in common with last week’s review… interesting!) Cucumber, lettuce, onion, tomato, carrot and balsamic, the usual suspects really, but they were put together well and complimented the meal with gusto.

I love this pub, I’ll be back soon for one of those amazing looking steaks and to check out the newest selection of brews on tap. They run a $12 parma night Monday nights which is very tempting, a lot of the parma’s shortcomings can be overlooked at a price like that.

On the way out we went through the back, and I was stunned - this quiet, unassuming pub is hiding one of (if not the best) beer gardens I have seen in Melbourne, absolutely amazing with plenty of seating, separate bar and an abundance of TV and projector screens. beautifully renovated its the perfect spot to catch the footy on a weekend afternoon. Check it out before everyone else catches on.

Parma - 6.33

Chips - 9.17

Salad - 6.33

Value - 5.67

Total - 6.77

The search continues…

Attempt #97 - 'The Mail Exchange Hotel'

[info]

When? – 17/05/12

Where? – The Mail Exchange Hotel, Corner Spencer & Bourke St. Melbourne

Price? - $21

Website? - http://www.mailexchangehotel.com.au/

Reviewers – Adam, Fridge, Lee, Nikki, Stefo, Tony[/info]

I hope you all appreciate the time I am taking out of Diablo 3 to write up this review. You’re lucky I’m kind enough to put important things aside and instead write about chicken parmas. The things I do for you.

We had a few options for venues this week, we had whittled the potential candidates down to three (the other two will remain nameless, as they are in the crosshairs for next week). To make the final descision I checked out the menus on the different pub’s websites. One thing caught my eye, and that thing was Bad Boy Chips…

What are bad boy chips? No idea. Curiosity got the best of me and we scheduled parma night at the Southern Cross station adjacent Mail Exchange Hotel.

The Mail Exchange is an impressive pub. Any pub that has escalators is automatically impressive in my book! The place is huge, with a TAB and pokies area that rivals Crown Casino on the right (actually the whole pub wouldn’t look out of place if it were a level of Crown), Bistro and lounge area, complete with bookshelf filled with old books on the left, and a massive standing/drinking area in the middle. A lot of money has been sunk into the refurbishment of this place and it definitely shows.

We moved into the bistro, had a quick garlic bread while awaiting the rest of the review team, then once everyone arrived we ordered our parmas - we were asked specifically if we wanted salad with it, we all said yes (and checked the bill afterwards, there is no extra charge for the salad).

I’ll get to the Bad Boy Chips in a minute, first the parma. It was real, unprocessed chicken breast, thick and juicy - unfortunately mine was a little cold by the time it made it to the table. Well, “cold” is a very strong term - it wasn’t hot. it had obviously been sitting for a bit. There was plenty of topping on the schnitzel and the trio (ham, cheese and napoli) all carried a great flavour, my only other complaint would be that the crumbing on the bottom of the parma was a bit soggy - a personal preference really, sometimes a bit of sog is benificial.

[youtube id="MEsrnseqVhU" width="580" height="337"]

Now, to the bad boy chips. In short, they were amazing. Massively thick cut chips, in beer batter. Hot, perfectly crispy on the outside and so impossibly light and fluffy on the inside it was like you were eating two different chips. My only (minor) criticism would be that they weren’t seasoned very well, however a salt shaker on the table made short work of that issue. A triumph of the chip world, and possibly the best we have had on our search so far (if only they came with a dipping sauce, some garlic aoli would be perfection)

The garden salad was served in a separate bowl, which is always a plus. It contained lettuce, onion, cucumber, capsicum and tomato with a healthy splash of balsamic dressing. As far as garden salads go, it was great. I just wish pubs would realise that there are other salads that go so well with a parma (potato salad, pasta salad, coleslaw etc)

Rose Tattoo sang “I’m a bad boy for love” well I’m a bad boy for bad boy chips, A slightly above average parma was saved by a truly amazing side that I would definitely be back for. Maybe Angry Anderson wouldn’t be so angry if he got some of those bad boys in him, Then he’d just be Satisfied Anderson.

As for the Mail Exchange, it was a decent pub - the staff were friendly and eager to help and if you don’t mind some really obtrusive pokies then its a great venue. If I had to find fault I would say that the beer selection leaves something to be desired (standard big brewery selection, nothing in the way of microbrews). However I would definitely be back, if just for a bowl of bad boys and a pint.

Parma - 6.50

Chips - 9.00

Salad - 7.08

Value - 6.83

Total - 7.18

The search continues…

Attempt #96 - 'Three Crowns Hotel'

[info]

When? – 10/05/2012

Where? – Three Crowns Hotel. 365 Victoria St, West Melbourne

Price? - $17 (for chicken, $18.50 for veal)

Website? - http://www.facebook.com/threecrownshotel

Reviewers – Fridge, Lee, Nikki, Stefo, Tony[/info]

This review is now out of date, we revisited the Three Crowns in june 2015, Click here to read the updated review!

I may have mentioned it before, but one of my favourite spots in Melbourne to grab a drink is Rrose bar, in Errol St. North Melbourne (or is it West Melbourne? I’m never too sure which is which) It’s a cozy little pub with some of the best cocktails in the city.

Unfortunately, the food at Rrose is strictly tapas, so they couldn’t help us on the search for Melbourne’s best parma, but on the multiple times I have staggered out of the door in the wee hours of the morning my eyes have fallen on the Three Crowns Hotel. Having never really given it a go (as an establishment for drinking or eating) I decided that parma number #96 was the perfect opportunity to do just that.

We loaded up the parma bus and headed to the Three Crowns, which (according to the Internet) is most definitely in West Melbourne.

The front bar of three crowns is damn cosy and seemingly recently renovated, a great selection of beers both on tap and in bottle make this a very inviting spot to stop in for a pint. We moved through the main bar to the dining area which was also very aesthetically pleasing, stopping to have a glance at the adjoined beer garden, which while being a tad small would make a great spot to enjoy a brew on a warm sunday arvo.

I couldn’t find a menu for Three Crowns before we left, and took a punt that they actually had a parma available - punt paid off and parma was on the menu -

A couple of choices - Chicken or Veal, we have yet to review a veal parma, so chicken is the standard. Not that we have anything against veal, Meat is murder. tasty, tasty murder.

The second option was ‘Chunky chips and salad’ or veggies and mash, Reviewer Nikki went for the latter while the other four of us opted for the chunky chips. I like my chips like I like my women - Chunky, spicy and next to a parma.

There was a bit of a wait at the table before we were served, and a decent wait before the parmas arrived -

When the parma hit the table it looked fresh and delicious, but looks can be deceiving. First of all the whole meal was very small, a small island of food in an ocean of porcelain. There was a bit of curly ham atop the parma which exposed a a fair bit of nude schnitz underneath, and revealed a few burnt patches in contrast to the non-burnt parts of the schnitzel that looked soggy and undercooked.

The chicken itself was fresh and unprocessed, however it didn’t carry any flavour - the whole parma (chicken, crumbs, ham and cheese) was rather bland - with the exception of the napoli sauce, which seemed to be the only part of the dish that hid the ashen taste of the burnt patches of the schnitzel

[youtube id="7lKGDlG2Rl8" width="580" height="337"]

The “chunky chips” were a bit of a disappointment, as they were just standard pub chips, nothing standout at all and a very small serving, gone in minutes.

The salad (lettuce, carrot, cucumber, sprouts & tomato with a creamy dressing) was actually pretty tasty, but much like the chips and parma, was in far too small of a serving to register as anything special.

It was a small parma, plain and simple - normally the ParmaCam runs for about 13 - 14 minutes while we eat, and I speed that up 1000% in post to give it a reasonable running time of about a minute and a half. This week, however, I only had to speed up the footage 500% to get the same minute and a half running time.

The Three Crowns hotel is a beautifully renovated pub, and some of the other meals I saw coming out of the kitchen looked great but I would give the parma a miss. It has the elements of a great dish with a good quality, unprocessed bird, however something is being lost in translation from chicken to parma.

They run a $15 parma night on Friday which would make the small serving size a tad easier to swallow, however in an area like West Melbourne with so many great parmas nearby  (here, here and here for example) It simply just doesn’t cut it.

Parma - 4.50

Chips - 4.20

Salad - 4.30

Value - 4.60

Total - 4.42

The search continues…

Attempt #95 - 'Smoken Joe's'

When? – 03/05/2012

Where? – Smoken Joe’s. 680 Mount Alexander Road, Moonee Ponds

Price? - $21.90

Website? - http://www.smokenjoes.com.au/

Reviewers – Lee, Nikki, Pat, Stefo & Tony

**EDIT - Smoken Joes has permanently closed, so this parma is no longer available.

Smoken Joe’s is one of those places we have heard about many times, even in the Jimmy Rowes days there was talk that the parma at Joe’s was so amazingly huge that it was an effort to finish.

We had organised to visit Smoken Joe’s two weeks before, but got a last minute call from the restaurant saying that they had a problem with the kitchen and were unable to fulfill our reservation. No dramas, we headed up the road to the North Suburban and had ourselves a rather tasty parma… But we hadn’t forgotten about Joe’s.

We gave it a couple of weeks to let them get everything sorted out and headed down, Parking in Mount Alexander road can be a bitch at the best of times, so it took us some time to find a spot, but we eventually made it inside. The exposed brick walls, worn wooden floorboards, general decor and architecture of Smoken Joe’s bares a striking resemblance to that of Jimmies in its heyday, so we were all hoping the parma would be just as good.

We sat at our table and checked the menu, we had some choices- Parma was standard however there were quite a few options for sides, the easiest way to explain would be from the menu itself, and I’m quite lazy, so I love when things are easy-

Most everyone went with the classic chips and salad, Reviewer Pat (always the risk taker) went with the Mash and Veggies.

It was a decent wait, but our parmas arrived…

The parma, as expected, was pretty damn big… a large parma with a very thick unprocessed chicken breast, rumors of the size of this parma weren’t exaggerated (The photo above was taken of my parma, and mine was the smallest on the table by a fair margin)

Topping the schnitzel was the standard cheese and napoli, yet no ham to speak of. The parma had the potential to be great, however the biggest issue (which you may be able to tell from the picture) is that the whole thing was quite overcooked.

The nude schnitzel around the edges exposed what were some rather dark crumbs, which left a ring around the edges of very dry chicken. I was scared that this would be the case with the whole parma however once I made it to the middle (under the area covered with cheese) the chicken made a recovery and turned out being quite tasty. The cheese did its job well, despite also being overcooked, however there was a bit of a shortage of napoli - again leading to the opinion that this was a dry parma.

Hiding under the parmage was a very healthy serving of McDonalds style french fries, normally my first action when getting a parma is rescuing the chips from becoming a mushy mess underneath the heat of the meal as I eat (a lot of people will complain about the parma being on top of the chips, but its really a necessary evil - would you prefer less chips and parma so everything fit on the plate?).

Unfortunately the sheer size of both the mountain of chips and the parma meant that many of the chips couldn’t be rescued, and despite being well salted and cooked, a few of them ended up steamed to mush before I had enough room on the plate to maneuver them out, however the fact that there were so many chips meant that more than enough were fine for consumption. As far as french fries go, they were great - yet as far as chips in general go, they were just fine (french fries rarely ever do it for us - the chunkier the better!)

Not to be outshone, there was a humungous heaping of salad accompanying the meal. A garden salad of Lettuce, carrot, cucumber & sprouts that was definitely a struggle to finish by the end of the meal as I was well and truly full by this point. The decent squirt of dressing atop the salad would have been suitable for one of a regular size, however a salad of mammoth proportions such as this required just a little more to cover the whole thing, the last few leaves of lettuce were bone dry.

By now, if you read this blog on a regular basis, you would know that for the past ten weeks or so I have been filming the parma as we consume for the ParmaCam, which you saw above. Now to achieve the ParmaCam, once the parmas arrive I set up my iPhone on a little tripod that looks something like this -

Pointed firmly at the parma, I hit record, then eat. Simple, haven’t had a problem yet - until our review at Smoken Joe’s, when I’m pretty sure that after seeing the tripod and me taking notes as I ate, they cottoned on to the fact that they were getting reviewed (one staff member even asked “are you guys making a movie?”. Luckily the parmas were already out by the time this happened, but once the staff clocked the equipment on the table the level of service we received increased tenfold (checking if we needed anything, clearing of glasses, the aforementioned tomato sauce bottle appearing, etc.)

Didn’t really effect the review at all, but we did have a giggle about it, as its not often people catch on to what we are doing until after we leave our calling cards.

The Smoken Joe’s parma has all the makings of a great one, Unfortunately I think we caught them on an off night and a “great” parma slipped down the ratings to an “okay” one. Not bad by any sense of the word, but at the same time not one I’ll be running back to any time soon. They do offer a $15 parma Tuesday that is worth mentioning, so If you are in the area on a Tuesday night and want a cheap meal that you definitely won’t walk away from hungry, Smoken Joe’s is worth checking out.

Parma - 5.40

Chips - 4.60

Salad - 5.00

Value - 6.20

Total - 5.32

The search continues…

One more thing before I go - if you are free this Wednesday Night down to the Albion in Port Melbourne and watch ‘Hungry Haydo’ smash a Triple Parma!

Haydo can down the Albion’s double parma in under 5 minutes!, so the triple parma attempt will be something to behold!

If you forget what the Albion’s triple parma looked like you can check it out here 

It’s all for prostate cancer awareness so come on down!!

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Attempt #94 - 'The Park Hotel'

When? – 27/04/2012

Where? – The Park Hotel. 191 Nicholson St. Abbotsford

Price? - $20

Website? - http://www.theparkhotel.com.au/

Reviewers – Fridge, Kylie, Lee, Nikki, Pat, Shanan, Stefo

UPDATE 17/08/18 - new owners have taken over the park so we have ventured back for another crack to see if it still holds up - you can check out the new review by clicking here. enjoy!

I fell bad for the patrons of the Park Hotel.

I feel bad because their little secret is out, and we have stumbled on to the best parma we have eaten to date.

Last week, not long after I posted the review of our attempt at the North Suburban Sports Club, our friends over at Pubstars hit me on Facebook with a recommendation -

I hadn’t put a lot of thought into where this weeks attempt would be at that stage, and as I was running late with getting the planning sorted I figured ‘what the hell, its worth a shot!’ So I made the booking, hopped aboard the parma bus and headed to Abbotsford.

Tucked away in the suburban backstreets, the Park Hotel is a downright gem. They boast a great selection of beers both on tap and in bottles, cosy fireplaces for the winter and an amazing beer garden for the summer (complete with outdoor pool table), and my personal favourite - a tabletop arcade machine in the corner.

We walked through the front bar where the friendly staff were having a laugh with the locals, past the cosy lounge room with fireplace and couch, and into the dining room - where the combination of exposed brick and bluestone walls just screamed local pub. If I lived anywhere near Abbotsford this place would be my local, hell I’d even consider moving just to be closer to this pub, simply gorgeous.

The menu was standard pub fare - fish & chips, wood fired pizzas, steak, meatballs etc. but the only thing that mattered to us was the parma - we placed the order and took our seats. While we waited for our chicken to arrive I noticed some of the other meals making their way out of the kitchen, which looked almost good enough to make me regret ordering the parma… almost. (the woodfired pizzas and steak in particular)

I went to the bar to get myself a drink and came back to this beauty waiting for me at the table.

My eyes welled up with tears as I saw the bacon sitting atop my parma, As it was listed nowhere on the menu board, the addition of bacon was a welcome surprise (regular readers will know my opinions on the awesomeness of bacon, and this is coming from a guy who once set out to make bacon flavoured beer… although the less said about that experiment, the better)

There was a little nude schnitz, but the chicken was of such grand quality that I didn’t care, the chicken breast was plump and juicy, perfectly cooked and crumbed - a pure delight before the toppings even came into play. The napoli was fresh, well seasoned and added a fantastic taste. The cheese, while not being in cheese overload, tasted fantastic and complimented the chicken thoroughly.

Then there was the bacon, well, not much can be said that hasn’t already been covered - perfect.

We weren’t in short supply for the sides either, a massive mound of chips waited for us underneath the parma (which was quickly rectified after the chicken arrived) cooked to perfection, well seasoned, and a great addition to the meal. Reviewer Nikki claimed that her chips weren’t seasoned when everyone else’s were, we tried them and it was true, but that was the only complaint - and the majority of the dishes served had perfect chips.

Oh, and I almost forgot the kicker - Moments after our parmas hit the table, a waitress came over with a tray of individual tomato sauce pots for chip-dippage. This is always a welcome touch, and they definitely received bonus points for the hospitality.

The salad, like the chips, was huge. a massive pile of lettuce, onion and cherry tomatoes splashed with balsamic. Simple, elegant and tasty.

Here’s what the others thought -

Overall The Park Hotel is an unassuming, relaxed little pub that doesn’t look like it would produce meals of the caliber that it does. The asian-themed decor of the dining room is a bit tacky (and confusing … why is it there?) but if you can look past that you will find the best example of a chicken parma we have found on our search so far. It’s down to earth, its delicious, and you can tell a lot of care has gone into its production.

It was a bit cold to check out the beer garden, but a quick wander through told me that this would be the perfect pub to chill out for a sunday afternoon session in the sun and enjoy a parma. Or any night of the week really. Or lunch … or morning. What are the rules on having a parma for breakfast?

Before the parmas arrived a few of the reviewers were discussing how hungry they were, and that one measly parma probably wouldn’t fill them up. After they finished they were singing a different tune all together - this parma doesn’t look overly big, but when combined with the massive mound of both chips and salad it becomes quite a formidable foe. Be sure to arrive hungry.

An amazing parma that simply has to be tried. I will be back, I hope you will too.

Parma - 9.00

Chips - 7.71

Salad - 7.50

Value - 8.14

Total - 8.27

The search continues…

Attempt #93 - 'The North Suburban Sports Club'

When? – 19/04/2012

Where? – North Suburban Sports Club. 622 Mount Alexander Rd. Moonee Ponds

Price? - $19.00

Website? - http://www.nssclub.com.au/

Reviewers – Adam, Cale, Kylie, Lee, Ness, Shanan, Stefo, Tony

UPDATE 05/07/2019 - After some renovations and a name change we revisited the north suburban, now known as the moonee ponds club. read all about it here!

This parma came right out of left field, all week we had intended to try the much hyped parma at “Smoken’ Joe’s”, a restaurant/cafe on Mount Alexander Road, however at 5pm on the day of the attempt I got a call from Joe’s to say there had been a “disaster” in their kitchen, and they would be unable to fulfill our reservation, as they were closing the store.

Exactly what kind of disaster struck the Smoken’ Joe’s kitchen I can’t say, but in my mind it was either a captured suitcase nuke or ground zero for the zombie apocalypse, either way its probably best we didn’t push the issue (unless it was the zombie thing, zombies are awesome).

As a last minute switch up we went to quite literally the closest parma to Smoken Joe’s that I could think of - The North Suburban Sports Club.

If you’ve ever been to an RSL, you’ve pretty much got the atmosphere of the North Suburban down. Pokies up the front, pool room to the side, restaurant up the back and a bar down the middle, complete with a club keno screen to finish everything off.

We took our seats and confirmed there actually was a parma on the menu -

It always worries me when a menu touts their parma as being “famous”, I can think of probably 2 or 3 pubs in Victoria that qualify as being able to call themselves “famous” for their parma, and even then the classy thing to do would probably be not to advertise it, as it definitely builds up the hype to an almost unachievable level.

We ordered our parmas and had a seat, not long after ordering we were presented with a basket of hot bread rolls - a simple, yet delicious, addition.

After a bit of a wait, our parmas arrived…

All of the parmas on the table seemed to vary in shape & size - a good sign as one surefire sign of processed crap is uniform processed crap. The schnitzel was top quality chicken of absolutely perfect thickness, lightly crumbed and coated with an unholy helping of cheese.

The ham was there, although it didn’t have much of an impact on the flavour of the dish, and it was very light on the napoli sauce, almost to the point of being a little dry.

If I had to use one term to sum up this parma I would say “home made” the whole thing tasted like it came directly out of mum’s kitchen, nothing was processed and everything seemed to be prepared fresh and with care.

We don’t normally rate french fries (or “Maccas Chips”) very highly when they appear beside a parma, the opinion seems to hold that the chunkier the chip, the better. The chips at the North Suburban, however, are the exception - fresh, expertly cooked, a more than generous serving and seasoned to perfection, this is how french fries should be done.

The garden salad of cucumber, lettuce, onion and tomato was pretty standard fare, although most noteworthy was the dressing - plenty of it and carried a great flavour that complimented the meal quite well

If you’re after a fresh, home made parma in a down-to-earth environment then the North Suburban is definitely one for you.

In terms of specials, they offer an $11.50 Parma n’ Pot night, which the waitress told us was becoming at $6 parma night in May - if they offer up the same quality parmas for $6 then I’ll be there every week, that is a deal far too good to pass up.

I went into the North Suburban with low expectations, as it was an emergency last minute booking I had done no research into the parma and had zero idea what to expect - It’s always nice to be pleasantly surprised!

I must apologise, this weeks review has been all business and very light on the jokes, I’ll bring the laughs in next weeks review I promise.

In the meantime, here is an obviously drunk flamingo

Parma - 6.56

Chips - 6.63

Salad - 6.88

Value - 6.63

Total - 6.65

The search continues…

Attempt #92 - 'The Mint'

[info]

When? – 12/04/2012

Where? – The Mint. Corner William & LaTrobe St, Melbourne

Price? - $19.90

Website? - http://www.themint.com.au

Reviewers – Adam, Ben, Brendan, Cale, Carly, Emma, Lee, Matt, Ness, Nikki, Pat, Stefo & Tyson.[/info]

The parma at The Mint has been a point of contention in many discussions I have had on the topic of chicken parmigianas, A typical conversation on the topic going something like this -

*If my wife is reading this, replace “I’ll get my coat!” with “Hell no you crazy skank!”

… you get the idea. A lot of people say its great, but an equal amount say its terrible, so for parma #92 it was time to see if we could put an end to the madness, we loaded up the parma bus and headed to The Mint.

When we first arrived we sat out in the beautiful beer garden while we awaited the teams arrival - the beer garden was spacious while remaining cosy, with plenty of seating and, despite being meters away from Flagstaff Station, secluded enough to feel like a refuge from the hustle and bustle of the city.

Once everyone arrived we took our reserved table inside - it was quiet so there was plenty of room, but I could definitely see this small room packing out very quickly on regular nights. We ordered our meals and were presented with a couple of bowls of olives to tide us over - a nice touch. I had a photo of the olives but by the time I took it the napkin surrounding the bowl was already spotted with used olive pits, kinda gross.

For those venturing down, be aware that the kitchen closes at 8, so get in early if you want a feed!

We had a big group with us, and the friendly staff were more than happy to accommodate when we turned up with a couple more than we had booked for. About 3/4s of a pint after ordering our parmas appeared out of the kitchen.

The chicken breast, while looking smallish on the plate, was massively thick and juicy, fresh pure unprocessed breast that rivaled that of my friend Scarlett from our conversation above. The crumbing was standard, with some minor nudity issues on mine (although I seemed to be alone in that, luck of the draw I guess). The slice of ham complimented the meal perfectly and the napoli was fresh, well spiced and tasty (although a little thick, bordering on tomato paste)

A major drawback is that many of the team (including myself) reported a fair bit of burn on the bottom of our schnitzels, some more prevalent than others, but once again, this was luck of the draw

[youtube id="pD58FlSlwh0" width="580" height="337"]

The chips were well cooked, both well seasoned and sprinkled with herbs, giving them a unique flavour that we haven’t encountered before.

The salad, despite being a standard garden salad of Lettuce, onion, capsicum, cucumber & mustard seeds, was chock full of flavour with a tangy dressing that complimented the dish very well.

Much like what we had heard previous to visiting The Mint, opinion on the parma among our group was also split - some loved it and had no complaints, others weren’t as easy to please - as you’ll see by the quotes below…

Luckily nobody copped a fork in the eye

I’m a little stumped with how to finish up this review. The Mint has all the ingredients for a fantastic parma - the breast is the pinnacle of quality and all the ingredients are top notch, however it just comes off as a tad underwhelming. The burnt bases were definitely a turn off, but like I said, maybe we just got a bad batch.

Definitely one worth checking out however, especially if you’re out and about on $12 parma Tuesdays. Definitely one to remember, even if just to stop in for a beer in a great location and beer garden thats in mint condition.

(see what I did there?)

Parma - 6.54

Chips - 6.58

Salad - 7.15

Value - 6.85

Total - 6.73

Special Attempt - 'The United States of America # 2'

‘Murica

Those who remember my last visit to the land up-over will recall that pickings were rather slim, the two parmas I tried were god awful not so great, and all they really accomplished was making want to jump on the next flying kangaroo back home and sink my teeth into some quality parmage.

A year and a half later wedding bells were ringing and I (with my brand new wife) was hopping a plane back to the land of the free and the home of the cheeseburger, spending our honeymoon trying to track down the best parma the USA had to offer (well, at this point I’d settle for decent, its all about expectation management).

Lets do it…

Lets start with Leonardo’s, as it was the first parma of the trip it kinda makes sense to start there.

Our first stop on our trip was to Hawaii, to the Island of Oahu and Turtle Bay Resort - Many of you would know Turtle Bay Resort as the place where the movie ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’ was shot, to be honest that is why we picked it, but before we left I made sure to check the resorts website and make sure a parma was available.

Rather than our usual ‘we decided where to go, loaded up the parma bus and headed to the pub’ system, this parma was more of a ‘we stopped drinking cocktails at the bar and walked ten meters to the restaurant’ affair, which we did. On arriving at Leonardo’s, something from the menu filled me with hope…

It was actually called a Chicken Parmigiana. Literally every other time I’ve had a parma in the states it has been referred to as a “Chicken Parmesan”, Leonardo’s menu got it right, could it be good?! had this slight change of spelling redeemed American parmas?…

Nah… it was shit.

Do I really need to explain more than the picture shows? The schnitzel was tiny and overcooked to the point of being burnt, there was barely any cheese and the tomato soup masquerading as napoli took over everything else.

Going low tech with this attempt as I didn’t have the ParmaCam tripod with me on the trip, back to the old cross section!

The ‘salad’ was a bunch of over-boiled vegetables tossed in oil that just tasted like oil, and, as per usual with American parmas, there were no chips and instead we had a plate of gnocchi with cream sauce - surprisingly this was the nicest part of the dish, and if I ever found myself in Leonardo’s again, I would probably order a plate of the gnocchi on its own.

Interesting thing about Hawaiian hamburgers - rather than serving them with chips (or ‘fries’) they are served with chips (as in potato chips… crisps) A change that I thought was odd at first, but after trying I am all for, its amazing how well chips work with a hamburger and its a change I have adopted and will bring back to future Melbourne-based BBQs.

After the parma I did this with our room’s daily fruit delivery.

My wife rolled her eyes, I giggled like a schoolgirl.

Next up!

Romano’s Macaroni Grill, Ala Moana Shopping Center, Honolulu

On our last day in Hawaii we had the unfortunate task of having to fill a day in Honolulu after checking out of the hotel, as our flight wasn’t scheduled to leave until 11pm that night (first world problems, I know).

We wound up at Ala Moana Shopping Center - a massive complex devoted to coaxing greenbacks out of your wallet - and coax it did, after a few hours indulging in consumerism we were well and truly shopped out, so in an effort to escape the madness of the shopping mall and to kill a few hours, we found what looked like a decent Italian restaurant - And in America where there’s an Italian restaurant, there’s a parma.

We took our seats and checked the menu -

Success! lets just hope it was better than the last. we got some bread with olive oil and balsamic as a starter then waited the arrival of our parma, I’ve gotta say, expectations were low…

Surprisingly … it was good! Not one, but three separate parmas graced our plate, topped with two types of cheese and cherry tomatoes - the napoli, while on the plate and not on the parma itself, was tasty (albeit a tad oily) and the roasted cherry tomatoes added a sweetness to the dish that was a welcome addition. As usual, no chips or salad, but a bowl of pasta on the side did the job quite well.

We left Romano’s both full and happy. There was hope for America yet!

We left the shopping center and headed to the Airport, where we set up camp in the departure terminal for a few hours before boarding a plane to the bright lights of Las Vegas.

The first few days of Vegas were relatively parma-free, we were in the land of the all you can eat buffet and erection-inducing hot dogs.

Seriously… look at this thing.

Bacon chilli cheese dog with tomatoes, onions, ketchup and mustard … with onion rings. 

However a few days in I was getting a familiar hankering, so we tracked down another Italian restaurant, this time it was “Maggiano’s”.

Once again we took our seats and checked the menu. The parma was not only on the menu, it was listed as one of the “Chef’s Favourites”. Bonus.

Over there they call napoli ‘Marinara’  for some reason… don’t worry, there was no seafood to be found!

We ordered our parmas, and on the recommendation of our server we tried a starter that was basically a coronary is a bowl - it was a pot of melted cheese, topped with Jalapeños, pepperoni and chilli, served with a side of crispy bread for dipping. It was amazing, and totally distracted us during the wait, so before I knew it our parmas were in front of us.

Once again we were presented with multiple schnitzels, and although only two this time. Not quite as good as the parmas at Romano’s, the Maggiano’s parma was at least better than the first. The schnitzel was well cooked and fresh, there was a little nudity but the napoli was tasty.

You will have noticed from the photo, however, that Maggiano’s needs to work on their plating up skills - it didn’t look attractive at all. However I’d prefer a parma that looked like shit and tasted great to a parma that looked fantastic yet tasted like a crumbed and fried monkey turd.

No chips or salad, and the pasta wasn’t great at all - I have a sneaking suspicion that Maggiano’s have one giant pot of spaghetti on the boil all day, taking from it as they need too, as the pasta tasted like overcooked mush with the same napoli as the parma spooned over the top.

Alas, we have come to the end of our adventure through the world of American parmas, The first one we tried was definitely the worst, the second was the best, and the third was the one with the hairy chest not bad, but not great. The cheese fondue was amazing though, worth the trip alone.

The honeymoon was over far too quickly, luckily I could put solace that I was flying back into Melbourne - the city that serves up the most amazing chicken parmigianas on the planet and if anything it added fuel to the fire of our mission to find this fair city’s very best.

The search continues…

Attempt #91 - 'The Royal Standard Hotel'

[info]

When? – 05/04/2012

Where? – The Royal Standard Hotel, 333 William St. West Melbourne

Price? - Varies - See review for more details.

Website? - http://www.royalstandardhotel.com.au/

Reviewers – Adam, Ben, Cale, Emma, Janet, Lee, Ness, Nikki, Pat & Stefo[/info]

When I first heard of The Royal Standard I was told it was a “country pub in the middle of Melbourne”. I love country pubs, I love Melbourne, I was sold.

We arrived at the fairly quiet pub, hidden just behind the Queen Victoria Market, and from what I could tell the description was totally accurate - The Royal Standard has the feel of a down to earth country pub down pat, right down to the “Dress up Fridays” and occasional meat tray raffle.

We took our seat and placed our orders at the bar, now contrary to the menu listed on the website, there are a few options for parma, which were:

“Regular” parma - $16

“Large” parma (with wedges) $20

Add Bacon to either - extra $4

For completeness sake we split the order, some went the regular, some went the large, and some went either the regular with bacon or the large with bacon. Myself, I went for the large, with no bacon (a decision I immediately regretted - everything on earth tastes better with bacon, and I believe the inventor of the Wake n’ Bacon deserves a nobel prize).

After a bit of a wait (understandable, as it was a big group this week) the different parmigianas started making their way out of the kitchen…

My “Large” parma

A “Regular”

With tears welling up in my eyes as I mourned my mistake in not ordering bacon, I tucked in. Not too bad, The chicken was unprocessed and fresh and the napoli was fresh, plentiful and flavourful (especially in comparison to last weeks attempt). The crumbs weren’t overdone, home made and well herbed. There was a lot of cheese. And by a lot I mean enough to make a Swiss man moist in his pantaloons.

This was my opinion of the parma, however others around the table weren’t as kind, some reported it as dry, others as boring, one fact seems irrefutable though - everyone who had bacon said it was fantastic.

Cue ParmaCam!

[youtube id="8aobiBJSqEs" width="580" height="337"]

90% of the people around the table had wedges, everyone loves wedges (much like dune buggies). Some sour cream would’be been nice but they served their purpose perfectly.

The garden salad of lettuce, cherry tomatoes, onion, capsicum, cucumber & balsamic was pretty standard, nothing to write home about, my only gripe would be the ingredients were diced a little too finely, it was hard to get ahold of anything with my fork (as you’ll see in the closing minutes of the ParmaCam, I had to resort to the ‘spooning’ tactic as opposed to using the fork as a fork, and lets face it, nobody prefers spooning to forking.

Enough of my jibber-jabber! other people want to talk -

I would definitely go back to the Royal Standard, for a meal or just a beer - I love the feel of a country pub, and the whole place carries that vibe perfectly - the staff were friendly, the food was down to earth and the beer was cold. Definitely gonna check in again.

As for the parma the general consensus seemed to be go bacon or go home, ‘twas a standard parma that didn’t do much to “wow” anyone on its own, and needs that little kick to get it over the line that only bacon can provide - do yourself a favour, shell out the extra $4 for a ticket to flavour country, you wont regret it.

Parma - 6.30

Chips - 7.40

Salad - 4.68

Value - 5.70

Total - 6.08

The search continues…

Attempt #90 - 'The Anglers Tavern'

[info]

When? – 28/03/2012

Where? – The Anglers Tavern, 2 Raleigh Rd. Maribyrnong

Price? - $21.50

Website? - http://www.anglers-tavern.com.au/

Reviewers – Lee, Nikki[/info]

Growing up in the area The Anglers was always a summer favourite of mine. There was no better way to spend a Sunday than with a couple of pints relaxing by the river watching the world go by. Despite the great atmosphere the food at the Anglers was never something to be proud of, so when it came up on the rotation of pubs to visit in search for a Melbourne’s best parma I have to be honest and say I didn’t have high hopes.

We arrived to a very quiet bar on Thursday night, as usual the location was fantastic (it’s really rare for a pub to change its location, wreaks havoc with the foundations). Absolutely massive beer garden perched on the banks of the Maribyrnong River, we ordered our meals and took a seat outside in the sun.

As I mentioned the pub was quiet, and it was a small group this week, so the parmigianas were out of the kitchen in under ten minutes…

Would you look at this behemoth?!

Short of our special attempts at The Albion, this would have to be the biggest parma we have come across - absolutely massive, and on closer inspection revealed to be two chicken breasts that would stand alone on the plate as decent parmas. But how did it taste?

Not great.

Don’t get me wrong, the chicken was unprocessed and fresh, they weren’t too heavy on the crumbs and there was heaps of cheese, but the whole thing just carried no flavour.

We coined the term “Big Parma Syndrome” (Or BPS) during our review of The Central Lion, and this parma is a prime example. The slice of ham added some flavour, however the sheer size of the parma meant that a single slice of ham barely covered 30% of its surface area, leaving a majority of the parma ham-less. Like trying to cover Kim Kardashian’s arse with a hand towel.

The saving grace for this chicken came towards my last few bites, and it was then I put my finger on why this parma had no flavour - the Napoli. My last three bites of parma tasted fantastic, as the action of cutting the parma had pushed what little napoli there was to one side of the chicken and had left a little treasure trove of great tasting parmage - it was a shame that by the time I got to those final bits I was so full I felt as if I was going to explode like the guy in “Meaning of Life”.

fuck off I’m full.

[youtube id="MID1nT5_m_Q" width="580" height="337"]

The chips were … chips. Standard pub chips, unfortunately due to the parma taking up the whole god-damned plate they were rendered a soggy mess by the time I got to them

The salad was a disappointment, truly there as an afterthought. A stack of lettuce with a slice of furry tomato, some cucumber and a single sliver of onion.

Once when Winston Churchill was asked how dry he liked his martini, he responded “I would like to observe the vermouth from across the room while I drink my martini.” - I think the chef at the Anglers had the same approach with the salad dressing, perhaps he glanced at it across the room while he was preparing the salad, however it was nowhere on the plate we received.

If you’re in the mood for a big feed then The Anglers is the parma for you, unfortunately, as we have discovered in the past - bigger is not always better (At least thats what the wife tells me, although I get the feeling she is just being kind).

If they took the time to add a bit of flair to the meal, dish out an appropriate amount of napoli & ham for the size of the bird they are putting on the plate, then they would definitely be a contender - Until then I’ll be content with sitting in the beer garden and watching the water with a pint in hand, but I doubt I’ll be trying the parma again any time soon.

Parma - 6.25

Chips - 4.5

Salad - 2

Value - 6.25

Total - 5.05

Attempt #89 - 'Mrs. Parma's: Redux'

When? – 22/03/2012

Where? – Mrs. Parma’s, 25 Little Bourke St, Melbourne

Price? - $23.50 for Chicken, $25 for Weiner Schnitzel, $19 for Eggplant

Website? - http://www.mrsparmas.com.au

Reviewers – Alek, Emma, Lee, Matt, Nikki, Ness, Stefo

Over two years ago, with the loss of The Prince of Wales Hotel still fresh in our minds, a group of mates headed out for a Wednesday night parma to … well, you all know the story by now.

But in March 2010 we headed to Mrs. Parma’s for our very first attempt, which you can read all about here. Looking back it was a bit of a shemozzle - We had booked a table for at least twenty people and only about fifteen turned up, we didn’t even decide to make a website until after parma beers and to be completely honest the photo of the parma used in the article was stolen from google image search.

Had our tastes changed? had our standards changed? had 87 parmas between then and now made us so sick of chicken and cheese the sight of which would make us want to vomit? Only time would tell. It was time to do Mrs. Parma’s justice - We have had many emails from readers asking to give it another chance, so another chance we gave it. We loaded up the Parma Bus, got her up to 88 miles per hour and headed back in time two years, Back… To Mrs. Parma’s.

To anyone planning on visiting Mrs. Parmas, be aware - it’s a very busy establishment, I only managed to secure our 7pm booking on the proviso that we would be off the table by 9, and even at 7pm the place was already at capacity, both at the tables and a large crowd at the bar scrambling to get a taste of the many microbrews on tap. One thing Mrs. Parma’s gets points for is its constantly rotating beer selection - there’s always something new to try for lovers of a good brew.

We took our seats and perused the menu, as expected we had a big choice ahead of us - go with a novelty parma or stick with the original? Opinion was split around the table, but to get a good idea of what was available at Mrs Parma’s we split it up, Reviewers Stefo, Nikki, Matt & Alek went original, Ness decided on the Roasted Pumpkin, Emma with the Calabrese and I stuck with the parma I had my first time around … The Mexican.

There were plenty of other choices on the menu, including the option to have any of the parmas on either Chicken, Eggplant or Wiener Schnitzel…

Heh… Weiner…

It was a decent wait before our parmas came out of the kitchen, nothing major but there was definitely a few questioning glances towards the kitchen door before our food started to file out, possibly due to the extreme business of the place … however for a restaurant that basically exclusively serves parmas, you’d think a pretty speedy construction line would be in place, but I digress. Back to the parmas.

The Original -

The Mexican -

The Calabrese -

Okay I’ve got to break this down, And be aware that I’ll be focussing on the Mexican parma for a majority of this description.

The schnitzel was a decent size, real, quality chicken breast but pounded relatively thin, the crumbing was inoffensive, it was well cooked and there was good cheese coverage - these all sound like positives, however before I get to the mexican topping I will say that so far every ingredient listed just tasted kind of bland - everything was present, but absolultely nothing wow’ed me. So far the Mrs. Parma’s parma was extremely Disney - A perfectly mildly entertaining meal, but carefully designed not to be offensive to anyone.

The mexican toppings saved this parma for me, The guacamole, salsa and sour cream worked great together, and the jalapenos gave it the extra kick that turned it into a rather enjoyable parma, however a good parma shouldn’t need novelty toppings to make it good, it should be able to support itself on its own merits and the novelty toppings be considered a bonus. The opinions of those around the table who ordered the Original parma weren’t as kind as mine, without the novelty toppings their chicken was, while serving its purpose as a foodstuff, devoid of any substance. To throw the worlds most obscure movie reference at you, like in “The Langoliers” when they eat the food from the past, it carried no flavour, no substance … no life.

And then the guy that played Balki Bartokomous got eaten by a floaty cannonball with teeth.

You’re not running… you’re scampering.

But I digress… To the ParmaCam!

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Next up were the chips -

Now if you remember the last Mrs. Parma’s review, you’ll remember that we were a tad miffed that between the 15 reviewers at the table we only got three bowls of chips and three bowls of salad. Since I made that complaint a lot of the emails I have received from readers have claimed that, although we only got three bowls of chips, that the bowls were in fact bottomless and staff should have swapped them over for fresh bowls for us. I was very interested to put this to the test, so when our two bowls of chips between seven parmas arrived we were sure to dig in quickly and leave an empty bowl, but more on that later.

But were they good? Not too shabby!, well cooked and spiced up with a bit of chicken salt they were perfectly good chips, however the whole act of sharing two bowls of chips between seven people is just awkward. Sure we’re all friends, but putting communal chips brings up all sorts of social questions - are fingers okay? What if I take too many and don’t leave enough for everyone else? who gets the last chip? can I put sauce on them?

To keep the obscure movie references going I felt like I was in a cruel “Cube“-like social experiment where one wrong move could get my face burned off with acid.

With two empty bowls on the table a staff member came around to clean up one of the empty plates left by a particularly hungry member of our group, others were still tucking into their parmas and could quite easily have needed more chips and salad… but no chips or salad came.

If these chips are truly “bottomless” then I shouldn’t have to ask for a refill, they should be on top of it as the last chip leaves the bowl. Chalk it up to either bad service or that the “bottomless chip bowl” was just a legend, but two bowls of chips between seven people is simply not good enough. Especially when I am paying $23.50 for the privilege

Now to the Salad -

Surprisingly, the salad was damn tasty, a simple yet understated garden salad of lettuce, onion and tomato with plenty of delicious dressing. However it was plagued with the exact same issue as the chips, the bowl was empty in minutes yet no refill ever came, sounding like a broken record here, but for $23.50 its just not good enough, especially when I can look over a table and see a party of two enjoying bowls of chips & salad the same size as the one that I have to split with three and a half people for the same price. I simply don’t think thats fair.

After we finished up our meal we kind of all sat around in stunned silence, the parma had both equal good points and bad, it was like flipping a coin and have it land on its side edge.

The schnitzel was great quality chicken, but the toppings were bland. Both the chips and the salad were quite nice, however the awkwardness of having to share left a bad taste in everybody’s mouth, If the stars had aligned I truly wouldn’t have been surprised if the score came out as an even 5.00. However that wasn’t the case, and the total came out to be 5.85, perhaps the fact that the Mrs. Parma’s logo is literally a pair of giant breasts tipped the scales in their favour.

In the end I am glad we revisited Mrs. Parma’s, with 87 parmas in between I think its pretty safe to say our tastes have matured, and it definitely scored better than the first time we visited. I just wish we could’ve ended up with a result that wasn’t so damn neutral. I guess in the end the big question is … is it good?

All I know is my gut says “Maybe”.

Parma - 6.33

Chips - 4.50

Salad - 7.00

Value - 5.08

Total - 5.85

The search continues…

Click here to read about our first visit to Mrs. Parma’s (and our first parma!)