Attempt #175 -'The Grosvenor Hotel'

[info]When? - 13th of March, 2014

Where? - The Grosvenor Hotel - 10 Brighton Rd, St. Kilda East

Price? - $24

Website? - http://www.grosvenorhotel.com.au/

Reviewers –  Cale, Lee, Nikki, Stefo, Tony [/info]

Towards the end of last year I was invited to the Grosvenor to compete in their "Parma Smackdown" event, trialling a multitude of different novelty parmas. Unfortunately it was on the same night that we presented The Imperial with their parma of the year trophy, so I couldn't make it. I was spewing I missed it, luckily it was covered in depth by a few of my fellow food-blog comrades so I managed to get a peek at what was in store.

Fast forward to last night and it was time to see what all the fuss was about, so we loaded up the parma bus and headed to The Grosvenor Hotel in St. Kilda.

When we first drove past the Grosvenor my heart sank a little - It was a massive building with a Thirsty Camel drive through Bottle-o and a sign advertising that it was a pokies venue. Uh-oh, had we signed up for a parma at a corporate, soulless McPub?

Luckily I couldn't have been more wrong, Inside the Grosvenor is a damn impressive establishment. Beautifully decked out, separate areas for dining, an adjoining wine bar, cosy cocktail bar and sun-filled courtyard. You could visit the Grosvenor five times and have a completely different experience in each, yes the pokies were there, but they were in a removed, quiet and unobtrusive room. The best way to have them.

On top of an impressive cocktail menu (2-for-1 on Thursday nights - bonus!) The beer list was also extensive offering a few favourites such as Mountain Goat Steam Ale, Stone & Wood, Moo Brew and Two Brothers on tap, with a larger section in bottles - enough to satisfy any craving. I grabbed a pint of Stone & Wood and took a seat in the dining area...

No nonsense menu, target sighted and ordered (with a woodfired cheese & herb pizza for pre-game). While we're on the subject of the menu, I've gotta mention this -

That just sounds amazing doesn't it? I'd love to come back with a larger group and give it a go.

Shortly after ordering the pre-game arrived...

Scrumptious! That was polished off rather quickly, It's also worth mentioning this other little tidbit I noticed on the menu -

I think its safe to say the winners of last year's "Parma Smackdown" would be featured on the Wednesday parma night, also worth looking into in the future.

Not long after we polished off the pizza did the parmas arrive...

The chicken schnitzel was top notch. Tender and brimming with juice with crunchy crumbs (on top at least, there was a little sogging on the bottom, but nothing major). While a little small in circumference it more than made up for it in thickness. It tasted fresh and was full of flavour.

The toppings only improved from there. A generous lashing of ham, the napoli was in abundance as was the cheese blend, which had just the right amount of a tasty cheese kick to it while still retaining the elasticity of mozzarella. Grilled to a perfect golden brown, this parma was an absolute joy.

The hand cut chips looked impressive on the plate, and in general were pretty solid - but there's a danger when serving up hand cut chips such as these - as they blur the line between a "chip" and a "quarter of a potato". Some of them were perfect sized, some were ridiculously big. All were delicious and fluffy inside, but with that much potato they were in desperate need of a dipping sauce. If you order the hand cut chips off the "small plates" menu they come with an espelet pepper aioli - which would have been absolutely perfect to break up the onslaught of potato. Luckily we asked for a pot of good ol' tomato sauce and that did the job fine.

No need to sugar coat it, the salad was a let down. Cabbage, lettuce, carrot and a whole heap of fennel tossed in some olive oil. Maybe its just because I've never been big on fennel in salad but this pile of greens did nothing for me or anyone else on the table. Sure it was fresh, can't fault them for that, but without a dressing all I could taste was oil and fennel (if you haven't had fennel in salad before it has a very strong aniseed taste, like black liquorice) after such a strong start the salad was a disappointing way to finish off the meal.

For $24 it is a bit pricey but I wouldn't grumble too much having to pay that again, everything on the plate was made with the highest quality ingredients and care, and sometimes you have to chip in a few extra bucks to get that on your plate. The $15 parma night is definitely appealing, and if you were intending on checking this place out I'd definitely say to stop in on a Wednesday - and who doesn't love some free trivia thrown in? nobody, thats who (wooo, double negatives!).

Despite a couple of speed bumps the Grosvenor is an impressive establishment with an equally impressive parma. From the outside it seems like just another corporate, soulless pub - yet inside they have managed to imbue so much character into those walls, the care they have taken really shines, from the decor to the menu, you can tell some love has gone into this pub and I'd be happy to go back again.

On the way out I spotted what I assume is that $600 suckling pig hanging in the meat fridge... I'll be back for you Babe!

[pros]

• Fantastic quality ingredients
• Delicious parma
• Quality chunky chips

[/pros][cons]

• Disappointing salad
• Chunky chips needed a dipping sauce

[/cons]

Parma - 8.30

Chips - 7.30

Salad - 5.00

Value - 6.20

Total - 7.02

The search continues...

Attempt #174 - 'Royal Melbourne Hotel'

[info]When? - 6th of March, 2014

Where? - Royal Melbourne Hotel - 629 Bourke St. Melbourne

Price? - $19.90

Website? - http://www.rmh.com.au/

Reviewers –  Fridge, Lee, Nikki, Stefo [/info]

You've probably been to The Royal Melbourne Hotel and not know it, as it is most commonly known by a completely different name ... Bang!

Every Saturday night the RMH transforms into "Bang!" - the punk/rock/metal/indie/dance/party nightclub (and on the eve of long weekends it also becomes part of the "Plastic" experience). I have been to Bang! many times, but I have never been to the Royal Melbourne Hotel.

To be honest I was a little surprised when I found out that it was a regular pub during non-bang hours, especially one with the prestigious title of The Royal Melbourne Hotel - I found it a little sad that a pub with such a prominent name is most known as something completely different.

I have never been to the RMH sober before, or in daylight, so walking in to the glass roofed atrium was a very different experience. It actually is a very beautiful building and wonderful space, with fantastic architecture and plenty of little nooks and crannies to get lost in.

We were seated amongst a sea of suits (it's a popular place for after work sippers, apparently) in the atrium, right in front of the arch through to the "Cells" (the bluestone building at the back, a.k.a "The Metal Room" on Bang! nights). We had a quick glance at the menus and with little hesitation placed our orders at the bar.

The beer & wine selection is pretty standard CUB fare. Draught, Cascade, Blonde, Fat Yak, Bulmers and Peroni if you're feeling fancy, nothing much in the way of a craft beer selection - but enough to do the job.

Quite quickly (about a third of a pint's worth) our parmas arrived at the table.

The schnitzel was pretty sub-par. Standard heart-shaped processed garbage. Any thickness to it was mostly crumbs, which fell away from the chicken the moment the knife went through it. The chicken itself was credit-card thin in places.

There was a ton of nude schnitz, which I sometimes don't mind if the schnitzel itself is quality, it can be an enjoyable experience with the right bird - but this was just unpleasant. Not to mention mine was a little burnt around the edges.

Much like the schnitzel the toppings were just as processed. The napoli was straight from a can and the cheese almost looked as if someone had laid kraft singles over the top of the schnitzel and put it under the griller.

I was surprised to find there was a slice of ham, which is always appreciated. The bits of nude schnitz around the edges weren't good at all. The bits covered with topping were bearable. Thats probably the highest compliment I can pay this parma. Bearable.

Chips were a handful of unseasoned, bagged pub chips. with a heaping of salt & pepper I was able to breathe some life into them. Standard pub chips, but nothing special by any means.

The garden salad was a wilted mess. Mostly lettuce with a token piece of tomato and onion, I got zero cucumber but another reviewer got five pieces. Also disappointing.

This is a ten dollar parma. Twelve at the most - To be forced to shell out almost $20 for this mess hurts quite a bit. I wouldn't travel for this parma, The Mail Exchange is walking distance from this place and I'd prefer to go there for a bowl of Bad Boy Chips before visiting this place again. There is a $20 Steak night on Thursdays, I saw a few come out of the kitchen and they looked alright - If I was forced back here during food service hours I would definitely opt for the steak over the parma

I don't think I'll be back to the Royal Melbourne Hotel for a while. Sure Bang! is still fine and its great at doing what it does (with Labour Day on Monday I'm sure Plastic will be in full swing Sunday night). It's a gorgeous pub, and probably worth stopping in just to see the place when it isn't in nightclub mode, I'd happily stop in for another pint if I was in the area - but I won't be back for the parma any time soon.

[pros]

• Nice to see the venue outside of "Bang!" mode

[/pros][cons]

• Credit card thin, processed schnitzel
• Toppings from a can
• Wilted salad

[/cons]

Parma - 4.63

Chips - 3.25

Salad - 3.50

Value -3.75

Total - 3.95

The search continues...

Special Attempt - 'Red Rooster Parmy Schnitzel Meal'

Alright, this is just a quickie update, as I need to get the word out on this thing. It's only 'for a limited time' so its not gonna get a full review, a lot like the KFC Parmy Stacker a few months back.

Now, lets get one thing straight - I love Red Rooster. In my opinion its one of the most under-rated fast food's we have, The chips are consistently fantastic (Unlike KFC's which are all over the shop) and the 'Fully Loaded Pack' is my Sunday morning hangover cure of choice.

But yesterday afternoon this was brought to my attention on Twitter...

Good lord. You know you're in trouble when the professionally photographed photo of the thing looks like the worst thing I've ever seen.

But I had to do it, I had to take one for the team - I've got an obligation to try these things so that you guys don't have to. I went into my local Reddy Red and there it was, in the middle of the menu board...

$8.99 for the Parmy meal, with a choice of mash or chips (I went with chips) and the option to add a second schnitzel for $3.49 ... this struck me as odd at the time, but would realise why later on.

A few minutes later I received my meal and ran it home in my hot little hands, I opened it up and ... um... yeah.

So at first glance there wasn't actually any chicken visible, only chips, peas and a pile of semi-melted cheese. somehow the cheese seemed to be on top of the peas and chips, with the schnitzel underneath.

To get a better look I separated all the elements out on a plate ...

I think the picture says it all really. I don't even think this qualifies as a parma. First all. There were peas everywhere. The cheese on top of the parma was more pea than it was cheese. The "Schnitzel" was nothing more than a Red Rooster burger patty. The need for the option to "add a schnitzel" for $3.50 became painstakingly clear - they know how bad it is, so they are giving you an option to make it slightly less awful.

There may have been some napoli on it at some point in a previous life, maybe the chicken had brushed up against a tomato as it was walking around the farm, but that was it. I was in shock... how could they think that this would work? An utter insult to parma lovers everywhere.

There isn't much more to say. Don't waste your money on this abomination, I'm putting this review up as a public service announcement for people who are thinking "how bad could it be?" Trust me, whatever you're imagining, it's worse.

Chips were pretty good though.

Attempt #173 - 'Schnitz'

[info]When? - 27th of February, 2014

Where? -Everywhere (but we went to the Brunswick one)

Price? - Parma, Chips & Salad - $16.90

Website? - http://schnitz.com.au/

Reviewers –  Kylie, Lee, Nikki, Shanan, Stefo [/info]

If you haven't heard of Schnitz you must have been living under a rock for the past 12 months, although any longer and nobody would blame you (and I don't mean to be offensive, I hear interior designers are doing amazing things with rocks these days. Damn cosy). Seemingly overnight these places have popped up everywhere, I remember seeing the one on Elizabeth St and the one at Doncaster Shopping center - but looking at the Schnitz website there are now 19 locations around victoria, with another 5 'coming soon', It's hard to swing a cat without hitting a Schnitz.

However, if it has been cosy under that rock and you haven't seen a Schnitz store, I'd say the best way to describe it would be similar to "Nando's", but for schnitzels. Very similar decor and they share the same "Half dine in/half fast-food" style.

We chose the store on Sydney Road in Brunswick, mostly because it has just opened and was the easiest one for us to get to - but I think, due to the fast food nature of the business, that it's safe to assume that the quality of this parma will speak for all of the locations.

We arrived at the very busy restaurant and managed to secure a spot in front of the counter where I snapped this photo of the menu...

As you can see its a very pure schnitzel-oriented menu with only a small section set aside for the parmas (bottom right hand side, "meals and parmas" if you missed it. There is one parma in the wrap/roll section called the "parmageddon" which I thought was an odd choice - why offer a spicy mexicana style parma wrap and not a standard? Seems like a missed opportunity.

If you can't make out the parma part of the menu due to my spectacular photography skills, here is a close up I snagged from the website -

Quite a few options, which is nice to see. Not everyone likes a salad with their parma so its good form to offer it cheaper without. Not pictured was also a list of 7 different flavours of chip dip, for an extra $1 a piece.

We placed our orders and returned to the table. Everyone got a parma, chips & salad - but a couple opted for the Coleslaw in place of garden salad - Purist that I am, I stayed with the garden salad.

I won't lie - It hurt that I couldn't get a beer with my parma. In the four years we've been doing this I don't think I've ever had a parma without an accompanying cold one. I swallowed my pain as I cracked the bottle of Pepsi.

After about 6 or 7 minutes the parmas started arriving (although the last of the five didn't come out for another 10 minutes after the first one did)...

Ohhh no. The schnitzel was tiny. They tried to cover it by putting the chips on top and using an oversized bowl for the salad, but it was tiny - no bigger than a CD in circumference. I cut it open and was relieved to see pure, white chicken breast. It was thin, it was small, but at least it was real chicken.

This aerial view really highlights the size of the thing

The toppings were pretty disappointing. There was a lot of cheese and plenty of napoli but it was all as bland as a pair of beige curtains. No ham, no spices, just nothingness.

Now, one thing I heard time and time again about Schnitz - "You've got to try the chips". If I heard it once I heard it a thousand times. The chips at Schnitz are the bomb - or so they say... And I've got to admit, they were right.

Beautifully cooked, plenty of them and coated in the most succulent seasoning mixtures I've tasted - Like a mixture of chicken salt and the stuff McDonalds used to give you for their "shaker fries", not to mention its well worth shelling out the extra $1 for some chip dip to just finish off the experience - although to be honest, they're good enough that they stand up on their own, without the need for additional dippage.

I was pleasantly surprised with the salad. Maybe because I had low expectations for a fast food place, but the cucumbers, lettuce, onion and cherry tomatoes all remained crisp. It wasn't fantastic, but it was better than what I was expecting, and the option to swap it out for coleslaw is a nice touch as well.

Would I pay $16.90 again for what I got a Schnitz? Probably not. The parma was just too small to warrant the price - That's not to say I wouldn't go back for a bowl of chips - That I could definitely recommend, and with the amount of Schnitz's now in Victoria I can't imagine you'd have to travel far to find them, wherever you live.

I was disappointed with this parma. I figured a place called Schnitz would sell a good Schnitz - The foundation for a good parma, but unfortunately it just came off bland, small and unloved - I'm not sure why I expected more from a fast food place. Definitely go back for the chips though, they were outstanding.

Sorry guys...

[pros]

• Outstanding chips
• Choice of sides & sauces

[/pros][cons]

• Small, bland & boring parma

[/cons]

Parma - 3.20

Chips - 7.60

Salad - 4.60

Value - 5.70

Total - 4.86

The search continues...

Attempt #172 - 'Yacht Club Hotel'

[info]When? - 20th of February, 2014

Where? - 207 Nelson Pl, Williamstown

Price? - $22 with a $15 Monday special

Website? - http://yachtclubhotel.com.au/

Reviewers –  Cale, Lee, Nikki, Stefo,  [/info]

Every time we attempt to go to a pub in Williamstown we end up going somewhere else. I don't know what it is but pubs in Willy seem to book out well in advance, so if you do feel like checking this place out be sure to book ahead.

We intended for this week's review to be at The Stag's Head, also in Williamstown, but when I called to book a table was told that there were none available at a decent time. Luckily for us this is Williamstown, where there are almost more pubs than there are people. I quickly called around and managed to secure a spot at the Yacht Club Hotel.

I arrived at the Yacht Club not really knowing what to expect, as it was a last minute booking I didn't have a chance to do my usual pre-meal recon. We arrived at the pub and took our seats up front.

This pub is deceptively big. We sat in the front area and I thought that was pretty much it, but the room really opens up down the other end, fitting in a dance floor, stage, side lounge room and raised back area with two pool tables.

We grabbed the menu and ordered some cheesy garlic bread while we waited for the group to turn up as we were rather famished, While looking at the menu we spied our target, and something caught my eye...

Bad. Boy. Chips.

We have come across Bad Boy Chips once before, at The Mail Exchange Hotel on the corner of Bourke & Spencer St in the CBD. They rated a 9, one of the highest scores we have ever given a chip on Parma Daze - needless to say, my pants got a little tighter.

A little research into "Bad Boy Chips" delivers this info - They are a product of Edgell, and (as far as I can tell) only available to business in the food service industry, not individuals. Below is a grab from the Simplot Foodservice website -

The description there says it all really. They're amazing. Without hesitation we ordered our parmas and waited.

The cheesy garlic bread arrived, not much on presentation but definitely hit the spot. It was garlicy, it was cheesy, it was ... bread-y. Everything you could want from cheesy garlic bread.

About half a pint later our meals arrived. The first thing that hit me ... They aren't Bad Boy Chips. But more on that later.

The Schnitzel looked a little small on the plate - until I noticed its thickness. This would have to be, without doubt, one of the thickest bits of chicken breast we have come across. Scroll down a little and check out the cross-section, I put a fork in there to give it some perspective. A solid inch of chicken breast, not counting the toppings. It was conservatively crumbed and well cooked. Slightly dry in parts but thats a minor complaint. As far as schnitzels go this one was quality.

They weren't at all tight with the toppings, which was necessary with a parma of this thickness. The cheese was golden brown, the napoli was chunky and made its presence known. The slice of ham was appreciated, albeit a little lost amongst the other flavours - but a slice of ham is never a bad thing. Maybe if they had used smoked ham instead it would have had a bit more bite, but I'm not complaining, this was a quality bit of bird.

Now. The chips. On any other parma I would have praised these chips. Sure they were standard pub chips but they were well cooked, well seasoned and there were plenty of them. A tick in every box really. However we were promised Bad Boy chips - and Bad Boy chips these were not. The chips were good, and we tried to score them as best we could on their own merits - but the promise of Bad Boys left a sour taste in my mouth and the chip score definitely took a hit because of it.

I don't often say this when it comes to garden salad, but the salad was a delight. It was so chock-full of ingredients there's no way I could fault it for being boring. There was more cucumber in it than there was lettuce. Heaps of onion, and the pile of tomato I left on the plate (I'm not a raw tomato fan) could have been a salad in itself. Perfectly dressed, bursting with flavour - one of the better garden salads we've had.

For $22 I can't really complain about what we received. If I were in Williamstown I'd happily go back to the Yacht Club Hotel for their parma. The specials board listed a $15 parma night with a few novelty options, so that would definitely be worth checking out if you were in the area.

All up this was a pretty great parma that I'd have no problems recommending. If we had've been served the promised Bad Boy Chips it would have wound up much further up the ladder.

Do me a favour, if you find yourself at The Yacht Club Hotel, get a parma - I'm keen to see if the Bad Boy Chips actually exist. Shoot me a message or post something on our Facebook, Twitter or Instagram with your thoughts, I'll happily amend this review if I can confirm the Bad Boys exist.

[pros]

• Thick chicken breast
• Salad overflowing with ingredients
• There's a possibility you will get Bad Boy Chips

[/pros][cons]

• A little dry at times
• Was promised Bad Boy Chips. No Bad Boy Chips were delivered.

[/cons]

Parma - 7.38

Chips - 6.38

Salad - 7.63

Value - 7.00

Total - 7.15

The search continues...

Attempt #171 - 'Duke of Edinburgh Hotel'

[info]When? - 13th of February, 2014

Where? - 430 Sydney Road, Brunswick

Price? - Between $10 and $15 on Thursday nights, $21 regular menu

Website? - http://www.dukeofedinburghhotel.com.au/

Reviewers –  Cale, Carly, Lee, Nikki, Shanan, Stefo,  [/info]

I said a couple of weeks ago that I hate reviewing parma nights, Its too hard to get an accurate judge on what the parmas are like on the regular menu when you're getting a discounted (and probably different) version.

But guess what! Last night we visited The Duke of Edinburgh, which has a (surprise, surprise) Thursday parma night. But what the hell. Variety is the spice of life, lets do this.

Those who live in the Brunswick area would probably know the Duke of Edinburgh as "Zagame's", the pokies/TAB venue it was a few months ago. Well it has recently changed hands and looks to be attempting to get back to its classic pub roots. I can't quite attest as to what the pub will look like in a few months, as there was massive renovation work underway when we arrived - however the pokies and sports bar area is currently untouched.

We pulled up a chair in the (currently mid-construction) dining area and found the menu - now on Thursday nights The Duke runs a parma night offering a variety of novelty topping options...

Not a bad selection, and at rock bottom prices it'd be hard to go wrong. Among the group we all picked a different parma, with a couple of us (including myself) went with the original as a baseline.

After a 30 minute wait (and a damn fine garlic pizza for entree) the parmas arrived - I tried to grab a pic of them all, some are better quality than others, but this is a run down of what we received ...

The Aussie -

The Hawaiian -

The Original -

The Mushroom (with added pineapple, on request) -

The Mexican -

The moment the parmas hit the table I was hit with immediate food envy. The novelties looked quite good, but the original just looked plain. I picked up the cutlery and tucked in.

It was ... Okay. The schnitzel had a decent thickness in parts but was fairly processed, but for a processed bird it was pretty decent quality (EDIT: Since posting this review staff of the Duke have contacted me and assured that the chicken breasts are not processed - you can check out the comment at the bottom of this review), there wasn't an overdose of crumbs and carried plenty of moisture.

The toppings on the original were a bit 'meh' No ham, very little napoli, but the cheese was fine. I'm not gonna lie - The original was boring as hell. For the price (ten bucks) its hard to complain, even though the last cheap parma we had was $9.90 and much better than this one. It wasn't bad, it just didn't do anything special. It was adequate - not exceptional.

But then a weird thing happened - all the novelty getters around the table were giving positive feedback. They really seemed to enjoy it, and, as I said earlier, they looked damn good. Especially the Aussie and the Mexican, I was very tempted to get another one just to check it out, but was feeling quite full at this point.

The chips were surprisingly good. Beer battered, well seasoned and just the right amount of crunch. My only complaint is that I wish there were more of them! not many on the plate at all, a shame as they were probably the part of the dish I enjoyed the most.

The salad was bad. No bones about it, a complete afterthought. The salad on my plate consisted of a pile of undressed lettuce leaves and a single tomato wedge - I heard reports of cucumber on some of the other plates, but without visual proof I put that down to myth, like bigfoot or the chupacabras.

For $10 its hard to complain, but I'm still gonna. A parma shouldn't rely on novelty toppings to be good - this is the major reason I really don't like novelty parmas. Restaurants use them as a crutch to prop up a poor bird. But when all is said and done it only cost me ten bucks and I walked away with a full stomach. If I were in the area on a Thursday ... actually no, I wouldn't go back. There are so many better options on Sydney Road I'd probably check one of those out. I'll rephrase. If I was forced to go back to The Duke on a Thursday I wouldn't mind terribly shelling out $12 to give one of the novelty parmas a go. I can't vouch for what the parma is like on a regular night, but if I was served what I got last night for $21 I would not be a happy camper.

All up the Duke's parma is one that really needs the extra toppings. If you are a fan of novelty parmas this is definitely one to check out (and the price isn't offensive) Thats the best recommendation I can give it. Avoid the Original, but stick to the Novelties - The Aussie in particular looked damn good.

[pros]

• Quality chips
• Cheap on Thursday
• Good selection of Novelty parmas

[/pros][cons]

• Original is bland
• Awful salad
• Uses novelty toppings to cover up sub-par bird

[/cons]

Parma - 6.33

Chips - 7.00

Salad - 3.33

Value - 8.42

Total - 6.28

The search continues...

Attempt #170 - 'Honey'

When? - 6th of February, 2014

Where? - 345 Clarendon St, South Melbourne

Price? - $20

Website? - http://honeybar.com.au/

Reviewers –  Em, Lee, Matt, Nikki, Shanan, Stefo, Tony

Clarendon street is an area we have kind've neglected when it comes to parma reviews in Melbourne - The list of places I want to try along the busy South Melbourne street is as long as my arm (The Limerick, The Golden Gate and The Clarendon to name a few) and expanding to a few of the quieter back streets makes it even longer.

I had heard many good things about Honey, It has been suggested to us many times and I've even spied a few instagram photos that looked downright scrumptious - I was in the mood for a good parma this week so we loaded up the parma bus and headed to Clarendon Street.

The pub's aesthetic is instantly impressive. Polished concrete floors, clean lines and funky decor. I wouldn't call it a "cosy" pub, as the entire interior is basically exposed grey concrete, but I liked it none the less. Pubs with this look can tend to come off as rather soulless, but Honey manages to pull it off quite well.

There are a couple of food specials available at Honey but none on the Thursday night that we attended - Instead it was "2 for 1 cocktail night" at the bar, with a menu of 8 cocktails, normally running between $16 and $19 a piece - I'm surprised the pub wasn't busier as this is an outstanding value deal. We partook in quite a few of the cocktail selection and they were all made with the utmost care and skill. The "John Dorian" appletini (named after JD from Scrubs) was particularly delicious.

But cocktails weren't what we were there for! It was time to get some chicken into us. We checked the menu, spied the bird, and placed our orders.

I have absolutely failed this year when it comes to timing how long it took for the parmas to arrive. I had a master plan when 2014 kicked off to stopwatch each pub from the moment we ordered to the time the parma hit the table - but I've only managed to set the timer once this year. It was about 25 minutes after ordering that our seven parmas arrived...

First up, the schnitzel was thick. perfectly crumbed, plump & pure chicken breast. Mine was a little overcooked, bordering on burnt on the top edge, but that seemed to be an isolated incident as the other six on the table didn't share that problem (unlucky me).

Being very well done it was a little dry around the edges, but only slightly - it was still a very high quality chicken breast, and (despite some very minor gripes) a fine foundation for the rest of the toppings.

The cheese, like the parma itself was very well done - But I wouldn't call this a negative as I like my cheese crispy, golden brown and bubbling. It may look a little overcooked but I'd call this perfection.

The slice of ham carried a great flavour and there was plenty of well spiced napoli - If you pushed me to find a criticism I would say that the napoli was a little thick and "tomato-pastey" but  overall this was a fantastic, juicy, flavourful and quality example of a chicken parma.

There is a photo on Honey's Urbanspoon page showing this parma with a pot of what looks like garlic aioli on the side. Ours didn't come with this, which was a damn shame as if it had I'd say these chips would have been perfect. Beer battered, well seasoned, perfectly cooked. The chips on the Honey parma are a prime example of what chips should be. I ached for some aioli, but they stand up perfectly well on their own - a fine accompaniment to the meal.

The salad with Honey's parma is where things fall over. A basic garden salad of lettuce, onion, cucumber, tomato and a squirt of dressing on top. The dressing was okay, but the problems arose on the second bite, as all the dressing was now gone we were left with a plate of un-dressed leaves. The first two elements of this dish were absolutely fantastic - But there's no way to sugar coat it - compared to the rest of the dish the salad was a massive let down.

Coming in at $20 even I'd be more than happy to have this parma again. I'd go out of my way to have this parma again. There is a $12 Tuesday parma night that would definitely be worth checking out if they offered up a bird of the same quality as the one we had last night - Which I have to assume they do, if the amazing 2-for-1 cocktails are any indication.

As the great Bart Simpson once said, "You don't win friends with salad" - If you can overlook the mediocre greens on the plate then this is definitely a parma you should track down. I'll be back for this parma and I have no qualms in recommending it to others.

If Honey's parma is a sign of what Clarendon St. has to offer then we are in for some great meals in the future.

Pros

• Thick, plump schnitzel

• Great quality chips

Cons

• Slightly overcooked

• Lacklustre salad

Parma - 8.53

Chips - 8.00

Salad - 4.90

Value - 7.79

Total - 7.55

The search continues...

Attempt #169 - 'The British Crown Hotel'

[info]When? - 30th of January, 2014

Where? - 14-18 Smith St, Collingwood

Price? - $9.90

Website? - http://www.britishcrown.com.au/

Reviewers –  Grace, Lee, Nikki,  Tony [/info]

*EDIT* JUST RECEIVED REPORTS THAT THE BRITISH CROWN HAS CLOSED FOR BUSINESS, THIS PARMA IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE (A SHAME, AS THIS WAS A PRETTY DECENT BIRD FOR THE PRICE).

I don't like reviewing parma nights. Don't get me wrong, there are some fantastic parma nights out there, and if you can find one you like hold on to it with all you've got - but the actual act of reviewing a parma night gives me heartburn. With a parma night you can never tell if what you are getting is the real thing or if they are just getting rid of that week's parma-dregs, and I will unfairly review a place based on sub-par parma night parma. The same goes for parmas that have a parma night on a night other than Thursdays, Sure I will mention that they do a deal on a specific night in a review, but I will very rarely put a recommendation behind it unless I have sampled the parma night version specifically.

Which puts me in a bit of a pickle, as these days in Melbourne its hard to find a parma that is value for money unless I hunt it down on a particular night (shoutout to our friends The Happiest Hour for making this all the easier), and Thursday parma nights in particular are as rare as hens teeth.

So early this week I had a hankering. A hankering for a cheap parma that was also quality. It's a sad state of affairs in our fine city when I now consider any parma under $20.00 to be "cheap", but I do. The hunt was on, and the hunt led me to The British Crown Hotel. Nestled away at the top end of Smith St. in Collingwood this joint (on paper, at least) ticked every box. So we loaded up the parma bus and headed out to find my elusive white whale - a cheap, good quality parma.

From the menu online this place looked good. $9.90 parmas all day every day (as well as steaks, $9.90 porterhouse steaks). Not to mention a lengthy menu of $3 pizzas. I'll say that again, Three dollar pizzas. They have a range of food special nights as well, if three buck pizzas didn't already get your taste buds aroused.

I walked in the door and was instantly surprised. To be honest I was expecting a bit of a dive bar, but The British Crown proved me wrong. This place was cosy, clean, an abundance of seating options, a pool table and a ton of TV's - including a big screen projecting ESPN onto the wall. Everything was spotless, looking brand new - I think it's a safe bet that they recently underwent some redecorating and the joint has come up a treat.

We walked through the pub and out the back to the spacious beer garden and pulled up a pew. I was famished by this point and (partly from hunger and partly from curiosity at what a $3 pizza would look like) we started our meal with the garlic and herb pizza, as well as placed the order for our parmas.

The food came out in a flash. Ten minutes - fifteen tops and our four parmas plus pizza were on the table.

We went basic for the pizza as we didn't want to ruin our appetite for the main event. Part of me really wanted to try the other options available (seriously, look at this menu and tell me your mouth isn't watering)

The pizza was solid! Better than some garlic pizza pregames that we have had in the past and at more than half the price. But our parmas were getting cold, so on to the main event.

For $9.90 I wasn't expecting miracles. Hell I wouldn't have been surprised if the schnitzel was a piece of crumbed kitchen sponge. Which is why I think I was so surprised at the quality of the British Crowns schnitzel. Yes it was a bit small, but it was real chicken breast, not a piece of sponge in sight (check out the cross section below if you don't believe me).

The crumbing was a little odd, looking more like a piece of KFC than a chicken schnitzel, but it was well spiced and carried a decent flavour on its own. Good crumb thickness, not overly done at all. The schnitzel was a little dry, but one thought kept running through my mind "This is under ten bucks!"

The toppings were a little sparse, but also solid. The napoli carried a decent flavour (not as "rich" as the menu pointed out, but still pretty good),  the cheese was fine and the slice of ham was appreciated - as was the sprinkling of herbs and sprig of parsely. They were trying, clearly with limited resources they were doing their darndest to get a quality meal out the door - and you've got to give them points for that.

Things were pretty sparse on the sides front. The chips were okay. There weren't a heap of them and they weren't seasoned at all - but they were cooked well, and you've gotta love the sauce pot on the plate, the sauce pot really brought these chips back from the brink.

The story with the garden salad was pretty much the same as the chips - not a lot of it, but what was there was fresh and tasty, and the separate salad bowl is always appreciated. It was well dressed with balsamic, but I think we may have been at the end of the dressing bottle as it was quite oily.

The parma wasn't massive, but for under $10 I wasn't expecting it to be. Hell if you are still hungry when you finish this one order a $3 pizza or even another parma, you'd still come out under the $20 mark. We've had parmas worse than the one at the British Crown for over twice the price, and that is no exaggeration. We judge value as "Would I be happy to come back and pay what I did again for the same meal" and I definitely would, without a doubt.

The British Crown impressed me on a lot of fronts. This would be the perfect pub to rock up to on a weekend afternoon, watch the footy on the big screen while grazing on cheap pizzas and top it off with a parma in the evening. If you pop in on Monday or Friday there are even some novelty toppings available to be thrown on for the same price. Sure it wasn't a perfect parma, but for what they are charging they're doing wonders. I'll definitely be back for another $9.90 parma, quite possibly a pizza or two - and I recommend you check it out as well.

[pros]

• It costs $9.90 and its real chicken
• Sauce pot for the chips, salad bowl for the salad
• It costs $9 friggin .90 and its real chicken! Not to mention $3 pizzas!

[/pros][cons]

• Quite small
• Not a lot of sides
• Chicken was a bit dry

[/cons]

Parma - 6.74

Chips - 6.36

Salad - 4.62

Value - 9.25

Total - 6.74

The search continues...

Attempt #168 - 'Squid Inc.'

 

[info]When? - 23rd of January, 2014

Where? - 328A Keilor Rd, Niddrie

Price? - $20.90

Website? - Squid Inc. Facebook page

Reviewers –  Cale, Grace, Lee, Nikki, Shanan, Stefo, Tony [/info]

** NOTE - This pub has closed! Parma no longer available - Review will stay up for posterity. Enjoy!

Last week, when we visited Melbourne Public, I had promised the guys that they had great looking oysters on the menu (I had come across some photos in my pre-review research), but their hopes were dashed when we arrived, realising that the good looking oysters were only served at Melbourne Public on Friday nights.

In an effort to make it up to those I had promised seafood, I picked Squid Inc. as the location of this weeks attempt. Quite the anomaly, its a seafood restaurant that I had heard on the parma-vine also served up a decent bird. I live just off Keilor Rd, a literal 60 second drive from Squid Inc. yet I had never paid them a visit. So we loaded up the Parma Bus and headed down the street to Squid Inc. (Great name by the way, gotta love a pun-based business name! I giggled for a while when the sign first went up)

It was a lovely evening in the Keilor Road cafe district, so we opted to sit outside. Great atmosphere out here, quite relaxing to kick back with a beer and watch the world go by.

Picked up the menu and spied our target and placed the order.

I'm not a seafood guy. If I do have flake from a fish & chip shop I cover it in tomato sauce and you would have to pay me to eat octopus. But when the pregame of oysters kilpatrick hit the table I've got to say I was tempted to have one...

Look at all that bacon! By far the most bacon-loaded kilpatrick I have ever seen, and (although I didn't have any) reports came back positively.

There was a bit of a wait for our mains, about 40 minutes, but considering we had entree's and a seafood restaurant probably doesn't often get a bulk order of seven parmas simultaneously I'm willing to cut them some slack there.

Just as my hunger reached its peak our meals arrived...

First impressions were good! Lovely presentation, the dusting of freshly grated parmesan over the entire dish was a presentation technique we had never seen on a parma before. I quickly rescued the chips from under the parma and tucked in.

First up is the schnitzel quality, this was the biggest (and probably only) complaint about the dish. The schnitzel itself, while being real, unprocessed chicken, was a bit thin. It fluctuated throughout, but fluctuations between "medium thickness" and "pretty thin" are nothing to write home about.

Okay. Bad bit out of the way, everything else was pretty damn good! The napoli was definitely the star of the dish. It was clearly home made, carried a fantastic flavour, was perfectly spiced, fresh and chunky! It reminded me a lot of the napoli from the parma at The Plough, which I still consider one of the better napoli's we have had.

The mix of mozzarella and parmesan cheese was also great, normally lost in a cheese mix, the flavour of the parmesan really shone through with each bite.

In last week's review of Melbourne Public I said that we don't deduct points due to lack of ham if the taste of the parma stands up on its own without it. The parma at Squid Inc. is a perfect example of a parma that didn't have ham, but more importantly didn't need ham. Between the flavourful napoli and tasty cheese mix it stood up perfectly on its own.

The chips were solid. Underneath the parma was a big serve of well cooked pub chips. Crunchy on the outside and fluffy in the middle. Nothing spectacular to report but they served their purpose just as a good chip should

The greek salad was surprisingly tasty! They didn't skimp on the expensive ingredients (the feta and the olives), it was nice to see a salad that wasn't just a boring garden salad for once. It complimented the rest of the dish very well.

For $20.90 I'm pretty happy with this parma, yes the chicken could have been thicker but overall I walked away satisfied. If you were in Keilor Road and had a hankering for a good parma I'd definitely recommend it, especially if you're a non  seafoodie like myself and are looking for a good option while you're friends are tucking into their oysters, squid and other ickies.

The Squid Inc. parma has all the elements of a great bird, but they're let down in one key area - the thickness of the schnitzel itself. A little bit plumper and this would have blown me away. That being said it was still an extremely tasty dish. We've had quite a few parmas on Keilor Rd over the years (here, here, here, here, here, here and here ... phew) and Squid Inc.'s is the best we have found so far. Worth checking out if you're in the area.

[pros]

• Great napoli & cheese mix
• Greek salad didn't skimp on the feta & olives

[/pros][cons]

• Thin schnitzel

[/cons]

Parma - 6.86

Chips - 6.64

Salad - 7.29

Value - 6.57

Total - 6.84

The search continues...

Attempt #167 - 'Melbourne Public'

[info]When? - 17th of January, 2014

Where? - 11 Dukes Walk, South Wharf

Price? - $21.50

Website? - http://www.melbournepublic.com.au/

Reviewers – Dale, Fridge, Janet, Kylie, Lee, Nikki, Stefo, Tony [/info]

In my mind Melbourne Public is a brand new spot. Pretty much everywhere down in the docklands my mind considers "new" even though it has been there for quite a few years now.

South Wharf is an area I don't get to often, Yet tucked away behind the Exhibition Center a surprising array of cafes, restaurants and pubs have popped up - one of which is Melbourne Public.

The pub looks fantastic. Light filled, spacious and fantastically decked out - its a shame there is another building in front of the massive glass windows, otherwise they would have a fantastic view of the bay ... SO close.

We arrived at Melbourne Public at the height of the January 2014 heat wave. Pure relief washed over me as I opened the door and felt the cool breeze of aircon hit me. We made our way to the bar and ordered a couple of pints while the rest of the group arrived. The Melbourne Public website currently has a printable coupon available if you sign up to their mailing list that gets you a buy one-get one free drink. We came prepared and collected our free beverages - definitely recommended.

Once everyone arrived we migrated from the front bar to the skinny (but still beautifully decked out) dining area down the back. Spied the parma on the menu...

And placed our orders.

I boasted last week that I was one-for-one in remembering to set the stop watch in 2014. Well. Now I'm one for two, as it completely slipped my mind till about ten minutes after we ordered, so I don't have a stopwatch-screenshot this week. Although if memory serves it was about a half an hour wait for 8 parmas. Not bad at all.

Points for presentation! This parma looked very impressive on the plate with all the elements separated for maximum freshness.

Without delay I ditched the bay basil leaf, picked up the cutlery and tucked in.

The schnitzel was quite thick, juicy and of decent quality, but the crumbs were very soggy and had zero crunch. There was no ham, the napoli needed some spices and just came across as bland. Great cheese coverage and plenty of it - they had used a cheese mix very heavy on tasty cheese, so it packed quite a wallop, good if you like tasty cheese, bad if you don't, as (coupled with the weak napoli and lack of ham) the flavour of the cheese pretty much dominated the entire dish.

We don't normally deduct points for the lack of ham on a parma if it stands up on its own without it. But I can't help but think a slice of smoked ham would have done this dish wonders. The ham would break up the onslaught of cheese, as well as bring out some of the flavours in the napoli. We can dream...

The chips were the absolute star of this dish. I've seen the mini deep fryer basket on so many instagram food photos, yet this is the first time we've ever found a pub that does it! Beer battered and seasoned to perfection with the perfect crunch on the outside and pillowy soft in the middle. I was full, but still at them as I didn't want them to go to waste. A pot of aioli or tomato sauce would have brought these chips up to perfection

Rather than a boring garden salad the Melbourne Public parma was accompanied by a side of freshly made coleslaw. I enjoyed it, it wasn't as overflowing with mayo as some coleslaws can be. It was a light, summery accompaniment to the meal that I enjoyed greatly.

For $21.50 I was relatively happy with what we received. The two-for-one drink voucher definitely helped the value score, and remember that if you parked in the DFO car park to validate your parking at the bar, as it brought our carpark fee down from $8 to $4

Melbourne Public is a great looking pub with a good vibe in a pretty neat location. The parma had great sides but was let down by a lacklustre main event. With a few tweaks this parma could be one of the greats, and is definitely worth giving a go in its current state if you're in the area - Although I wouldn't go too far out of my way for this one.

[pros]

• Fantastic chips
• Fresh coleslaw
• Quality chicken breast

[/pros][cons]

• Soggy crumbs
• Overpowering Cheese
• Bland napoli
• Needs ham

[/cons]

Parma - 6.19

Chips - 8.00

Salad - 6.00

Value - 6.25

Total - 6.53

The search continues...

Attempt #166 - 'The Yarra Hotel'

When? - 28th of November, 2013

Where? - 295 Johnston St. Abbotsford

Price? - $22

Website? - http://www.theyarrahotel.com.au/

Reviewers – Dale, Emma, Lee, Nikki, Matt, Tony

Aaaand we're back! Hope everyone had a great holiday season and happy New Year.

Kicking things off for the 2014 season is the Yarra Hotel in Abbotsford. This one came about through sheer lack of organisation. Being the start of the year I hadn't planned enough in advance to organise a facebook poll to tell us where to go, so at the start of the week I put out an open call for suggestions...

Screen shot 2014-01-10 at 10.31.32 AM

The first response back was the Yarra Hotel, the suggester then followed up with the cryptic statement that it was a "Retro 80's parma". My interest was piqued. I did some googling and the pub looked good to me. We set the location and when Thursday rolled around we loaded up the parma bus for the first time in 2014, and headed out to the Yarra Hotel.

Basically across the road from Victoria Park, The Yarra has undergone recent renovations to bring this old gem back to life. You could tell this was a pub that loved its live music. With a rotating calendar of live acts churning out tunes every night of the week, upon walking in to the front bar we could see the stage being set for Thursday night's gig.

Out the back the spacious beer garden is a fantastic spot. It was a perfect night for some al fresco parmas so we found a table out there and grabbed some menus. Spied the parma ($22) and placed our orders at the bar.

Time Out Melbourne

Drinks-wise I started off the night with a pint Mountain Goat Steam Ale (always a good decision) then switched over to Collingwood Draught once the parma arrived - I had never had the Collingwood before and was pleasantly surprised, a fresh, flavoursome drop that I'd definitely give another go.

Amazingly, I remembered to set the stop watch this week (1 for 1 in 2014! woo!)

24 minutes for 6 parmas isn't bad at all. Hopefully if I can remember the stopwatch enough this year we can get some sort of time-per-parma average stats to compare this against. 24 divided by 6 is four minutes per parma. Not bad in my book.

The parmas arrived at the table.

Is it just me, or does my parma look the The Millennium Falcon?

My first thought was that the schnitzel looked undercooked. It was nearly white. But on closer inspection (points to our eagle eyed reviewer Em for picking this one) the parma wasn't crumbed - it was battered. Like a piece of grilled flake. I'm guessing this is what the facebook suggester meant by a "Retro 80's parma", I was 6 and a half years old when the 80's ended so I can't recall if this is what parmas were like back then, but we've never seen this before.

We tucked in ... I didn't like it. The crunch that you normally get from crumbs was gone, I'm all for trying new things with parmas and I try to keep my mind as open as possible (hell I tried coating my own parma in crushed pork rinds once), but this one just didn't do it for me, and the rest of the table agreed.

Besides the coating the chicken was decent quality, not overly thick but not thin by any stretch of the word. Pure white and well cooked (it actually looked like a good piece of grilled flake at times).

As for the toppings they were pretty disappointing all around. There was very little cheese, leaving lots of nudity underneath (both partial and full frontal), the napoli had no spice and tasted like straight passata. The ham was fine, carried a decent flavour, but it didn't do much to save this one

I'm normally not big on french fries (or "maccas chips") with my parma, but these ones were actually pretty decent (not amazing, but decent). Well cooked and seasoned and in a pretty sizeable serving. Not to spoil how the next paragraph about the salad is gonna go, but the chips were pretty much the best part of the dish.

The salad wasn't great. A little wilted and very finely chopped garden salad of lettuce, sliced radish and cabbage with the lucky among the table getting a few slivers of what appeared to be picked onion. Like the parma it was underdressed and failed to impress.

For $22 this was a disappointing parma, if it were $15 I'd accept its shortcomings but for a pretty full priced parma this wasn't good value at all.

I really liked the vibe of the Yarra when we arrived. The casual front bar, obvious reverence for live music and fantastic beer garden appealed to me greatly - so it cut me deep when the parma was a disappointment. I wouldn't call it bad by any stretch, but there was just no love put into the dish. It needed some spice, some oomph. Points to the Yarra for trying something new with the battered chicken breast, and with a bit of tweaking to the rest of the formula it might just work - but at the moment it was a bit of a confusing addition to a loveless dish.

Parma - 4.30

Chips - 5.90

Salad - 3.70

Value - 4.00

Total - 4.44

The search continues...